Ask Elisa Podcast

PODCAST EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

It’s Ask Elisa, a podcast about dating and relationships in your late thirties and older. Today, my guest is Carla Romo, a dating coach. Hi, Carla.

Hello. So can you please introduce yourself and when you do that, share a little something about yourself that has nothing to do with romantic relationships. It can be like a hobby, something you’re proud of, something about how you grew up, a little interesting factoid, uh, just, or like a really great relationship that you have that’s special, but not romantic.

Cause on Ask Elisa, even though we talk about dating and relationships the entire time, I want to make it very clear that we are so much more than our love lives. Yes, absolutely. So I’m Carla Romo.

I am a certified dating and relationship coach. I’ve owned my business for about nine years now, and I’m also the host of Carla turned on podcast. You can listen anywhere.

And I’m also the author of contagious love break free from codependency for damn good. And a little thing about me is that I am from Maryland. I’m a Maryland girl, East coaster, and I make a mean crab cake.

Like it is, it’s a thing. So you have to understand, okay, there’s a whole controversy in Maryland because the crabs are actually coming from Louisiana because we don’t, we overfished and we don’t know that. Yes, it’s a thing.

And we don’t like a lot of Maryland blue crab is actually Louisiana crab or coming from different parts of the South because they have blue crabs. And so, so you can look, you can sometimes get Maryland blue crab, but it is, it’s hard to like get it. However, crab is crab and I’m really particular.

Like if you are from Maryland or you understand people who are, who understand crab cakes, I don’t know if you ever watched wedding and crashers. It was like one of my favorite movies back in the day. It’s like crab cakes and football.

That’s what Maryland does. Screw the football crab cakes. Yes.

Um, but I will say that you have to make sure you, you make the perfect crab cake without a lot of filler and fillers like the breadcrumbs West coast crab cakes are completely different. I used to live in California for years. I lived in LA and I will tell you right now that shit ain’t the same.

So I, I only stand by the Maryland blue crab cakes. I’ve got a good crab cake recipe and if anyone’s listening, do not ever eat a crab cake with a bunch of filler. What are your ingredients then? Okay.

So it’s actually my grandmother’s recipe. She passed away years ago, but helped raise my sisters and I, she’s just a huge influence in my life and she puts mayonnaise in it. It was a egg, a little bit of breadcrumb, just enough to hold it together.

But you, you should not bite into the crab cake and taste it. I’m weird about lemon and seafood. I just am.

People can push back on this one, but I stand strong and I am not a fan of having lemon in my crab cake. So I skipped that. And then of course, being from Maryland, you have to put Old Bay seasoning in there.

So a little bit of the Old Bay seasoning and then you Patty them up and then you put them, I like to pan fry them. I don’t broil them. And then I put it on a, like, you know, put some oil in the pan on medium.

What I do before I take the crab cake and put it in the pan after I Patty it, I put a little dusting of breadcrumb on each side. It just helps like crispy it up a little bit more and holds it together. And then I put that bad boy in the pan, flip it over and boom, you have a crab cake.

It’s literally like, it’s just the best. Yeah. That sounds really good.

I want one right now. Have you ever had a Maryland crab cake? Yes. One of my, my sister, who’s like basically a sister lives in Northern Virginia.

So there you go. Yes. The DMV area.

So I’m out there quite often and we definitely go and go crazy for some crabs. I love that. But I’m from Washington state and we love our Dungeness crab.

I know. Yes. Dungeness crab is incredible.

And I have made like back in the day, my ex-husband like went out in the water, stabbed a crab, stabbed some crabs, brought them home to me. We cooked them up like literally same day crab cakes and Dungeness crab. And you know, I may have got some shell in them, but I, I, I like your recipe.

I love lemon and seafood, but I do think that lemon can come on afterwards. Like you can just use. You know what? You’re right.

You’re right. Your bite is how I like it. I like fresh squeezed lemon over my seafood.

Okay. Yes. I wouldn’t, I wouldn’t necessarily need it in the, in the crab cake, but yes.

Yeah. No, a hundred percent. You know, it’s funny.

Cause I’m a total lemon person. Like I love lemon water obsessing every time I go to a restaurant, can you bring lemons as many lemons as possible, but for some reason in the seafood, I’m just not a fan. Yeah.

Interesting. Yup. Yeah.

And, and maybe, okay. You’re Latina. Yes.

Yup. Yup. Yup.

Do you like lime more than lemon or do you like lemon more than lime? Well, it’s so funny because I really like limeades. I love lime. I love, I feel like, like it, I’m Latina.

We, we love our green limes. They’re both called limon in Spanish. So you’re like, you’re like, can you get me a lemon? And your mom brings you a lime and you’re like, no, I need a yellow lemon please.

You need to be like a green lime. Yup. A hundred percent.

No, I love, yeah. I do love lime and the smell of lime. There’s just something about lime.

That’s just like so good. I love it. Yeah.

Thank you so much for sharing that. Now I, now everyone’s hungry. You’re welcome.

As people who don’t think they like seafood, give crab cakes a try. I think they’re just, they’re different than what you might expect. If you are somebody who says you don’t like seafood.

The other thing too, is the crab meat is cooked fully when you’re cooking a crab cake. So it’s not a matter of like needing to cook it through. If there’s egg in the recipe, you do need to make sure it’s cooked through, but you’re not, there’s not like a, you’re not going to get sick.

Yeah. Unless the crab’s bad, then, then you’re, then you’re screwed. So I will share my little non-romantic thing is that I grew up here in Western Washington and I grew up camping and after two years of not camp, having gone camping, I went camping this summer and it was just so nice.

I love, I only need a cup, like two nights. I don’t need a long time because where I go, it’s pretty rustic. They don’t have any running water where I go.

It’s just like pit toilets and garbage cans. Those are the only amenities. So you drive your car up though.

So you have everything you need in your car, your own water. So it’s comfortable enough. It’s not like backpacking, but it’s a little bit more rustic than like going to a campground that has like bathrooms and showers and stuff.

That’s cool. So it’s a very remote feeling. It sounds like three hours from my place.

It’s a, wow. It’s like an hour and 40 minutes to the forest road. And then the rest of the way is like 35 miles up a forest road and you have to go super slow and it’s just gorgeous.

And that sounds beautiful. A little Alpine Lake that, you know, women and there’s a trail that goes all the way around it. And then cool Adams.

So you, you hear about Mount Rainier. Uh-huh. Yes.

You’re about Mount St. Helens. Yes. Mount Adams is, um, they kind of make a triangle.

So Mount Adams is there too. So when you go up on Mount Rainier, um, and you look Mount St. Helens to the, to the right and then to the left, south of you, you would see Mount Adams. This Lake is right below my Adams and the reflection of the Lake or the mountain reflects in the Lake.

It’s so beautiful. That sounds incredible. Wow.

I needed to unplug. Yeah. Get away from screens for a little bit.

Did you go by yourself? No, I went with my friends. Okay. Okay.

I was going to say that’s really bad. I joked that it was an Ask Elisa podcast retreat because I went with three people who have been podcast guests. Hey, you know what? You can start it now.

Like that’s, that was like day one of, or a season one of the retreat. Yes. Yeah.

Um, so when we sat down around the fire, I was like, okay, welcome to the Ask Elisa retreat. And then they all laughed and I’m like, I’m just kidding. We’re not going to talk about it.

We’re not working. I’m not working right now. Yes, exactly.

So, so yeah. Uh, well, thanks so much for joining me. It’s a little hard scheduling with people on opposite coasts because you’re three hours ahead.

Yes. It’s still morning for me. That’s crazy.

Yes. I forget about that. I mean, I lived, like I said, I lived in LA for years and I always, like it would be like 10 o’clock at night and I’d be like, man, it’s really late back at home.

I’m like, okay. Like you just don’t, you just get used to the, whatever, you know, time zone you’re in and that’s what you’re doing. But it’s like, yeah, I for like, when you say it’s the morning, I’m like, God, that I’m like well into my afternoon now.

Well, it’s late morning. It’s almost here. That’s fair.

All right. So what we’re going to talk about today is your story of how you came around to become a dating coach. You know, it’s funny because people are always like, how does one become a dating and relationship coach? Like what? Like, and you know, it’s crazy.

I’m going to back up for just a second. As I get, when I was getting certified for coaching, they literally were like, nobody is ever going to ask you if you have a certification. I get asked all the time as a dating coach, do you have a certification? Because it’s, it’s people are like, is this like legit? Are you like, you’re just doing this on your own? Like what’s the deal? So backing all the way up.

So I always start in my childhood. Cause I think that this is a really big piece of what shaped me for romantic relationships. It’s not, I think I know it is.

So I am a, I am a codependent. All right. At heart.

And so I had an abusive father. He was very emotionally unavailable left when I was really little. And so I always felt that I wasn’t enough.

I wasn’t worthy. And that was just sort of this belief, but I felt like from a very young age, I always had like boyfriends. Okay.

And so I would like, like literally elementary school was like, had crushes on boys. And like, it was this like instant validation that I would get around, around these like little crushes and things like that. And I realized like, that’s what I was seeking so much in my middle school years and my high school years and my college years was this validation around, okay, if I can fix you, cause I would, I said codependency.

And if anybody’s like, what’s that codependency is rooted in low self-esteem. I’m not worthy. I’m not lovable.

I’m not enough. Like all the I’m nots. And as a result, you lose your identity in relationships with others.

It doesn’t actually just have to be romantic relationships. So it can be friendships, coworkers, um, relationships to other things like finances work, that kind of thing. You can have codependent relationships with where you’re trying to constantly gain some kind of validation and worth through the relationship.

So what I would do is I’d find fixer uppers. I loved a good fixer upper. So I would find these boys who were just, you know, had these tragic things happen to them or issues going on in the household or whatever was happening.

And I felt like, okay, they’re fucked up. I’m fucked up. We can do this.

Like we get each other because I was terrified to be in a relationship with somebody whose family quote unquote was together, normal, that kind of thing. Cause then what purpose did I serve in the relationship? If I couldn’t prove my worth of fixing them and couldn’t prove that I was lovable and I was just lovable, like, I don’t think that’s a thing. So I had this pattern over and over again of choosing these partners.

And it wasn’t until my early twenties where I was living in LA and at the time I was working in television. So I had a career in TV for a while and I started to recognize that these relationships were very unhealthy and that there was one common denominator me. And so yes, it doesn’t matter whether somebody treats you poorly or is abusive or whatever.

I mean, it does matter. But to the point I’m making, it doesn’t matter because what was I doing? I was choosing these relationships. This is what I thought was normal.

This is what I thought was healthy and it wasn’t normal or healthy. And so I like wanted the, it was like always just like these highs, these lows, the uncertainty. And it was great until it wasn’t.

Really what started and like kick started my codependency journey is my college boyfriend. I’d moved out to LA and he was going to graduate after I had graduated like a semester early and he was going to graduate after. And he was going to follow me out to LA and we were going to live there together.

And it was going to be happily ever after. That is a codependence dream, right? Like, wow, like you’re winning at life and in relationships, everything is perfect. And here’s the thing too, is that from the outside, I really did a good job of making it look like I had it all together because I did, I was a high functioning codependent.

I mean, I lined up in really prestigious internships for myself in college. I like, you know, got two job offers, one in New York city, one in LA working in television. I networked the shit out of everything.

Like I graduated a semester early because I got the job offer. Like I was like a go-getter. I still am.

But the motives at the time that are not connected to me anymore were because I needed people to see me as somebody who was worthy. That is literally what was driving all of this. I didn’t know that at the time.

It was subconscious. Like I had no clue, but I just thought like I need to make it look like I have it together. And that was exhausting.

I just, every aspect of my life, I needed to look like I had it together. And on the inside, I was, you know, dying. I had low self-esteem around it and thought, oh my God, I have to be perfect because if anybody finds out that I’m human, aka make mistakes, like that’s the worst thing that could happen.

So this boyfriend of mine, you know, I suspected he was cheating on me. And of course I always say, follow your damn gut. I don’t mess around with that as a clients.

No, I say that I put it in my book. I talk about it on my social media, like follow your damn gut. If your gut is off, it is off.

But I used to not listen to my gut as what I say is I used to paint red flags green. And so he, one day calls me, it was like in between Valentine’s day and my birthday. And he calls me and just like breaks up with me one day.

And I’m literally like shattered. I’m like, oh my gosh. How long have you been together at that point? We were together all the way from freshman year to like senior year.

So, so it had been a while and I thought he was moving there and all these things, like, you know, I, I was naive and thank God it’s, it ended up the way it did. But at the time I was like, oh my God, this is crazy. I can’t, I can’t.

And then I felt just really lost, but I started to see a therapist and she started to talk about codependency. I was so codependent, needed to seem perfect. Like I had it all together that I actually didn’t ask her what it meant.

I had to go home and Google it because that’s how crazy my thinking was. It’s like, can’t let the therapist know that like, I don’t have, like, I don’t know what she’s talking about. So I started sort of like inching into this codependency journey.

And then this guy came around that I met at a birthday party and he was 10 years older than me. And my gut fell off. I just thought like, this doesn’t feel right.

I was like, what does a 32 year old want with a 22 year old? Like it just didn’t feel right. And look, there’s tons of age gaps. I coach a lot of clients with age gaps.

And I think that if you’re in similar places in life, like that’s fine. But there was a lot that we were not in similar places in life, life experiences. I literally, you know, should still, when I met him, should still have been in college and graduated early to work.

And here he is like in a very different life stage. And yeah. And so I just, I painted red flags green.

I convinced myself that this is, you know, going to work, whatever. And so we dated for a little bit, but then my therapist and I were working together and she was pointing out maybe this isn’t the healthiest relationship. So I kind of like broke things off.

But then of course, every couple months he would text me and like, Hey, how’s it going? And just, you know, the little like texts here and there, if anybody knows about these types of relationships where it’s like the person doesn’t quite disappear. Like they like to just kind of insert themselves in every couple months to remind you that they’re there. And I was dating somebody at the time who had a lot of mental health issues and something really big had happened around his mental health.

That was a deal breaker for me of him taking care of himself. And I ended that relationship. And so I was in a really vulnerable place that all of a sudden that guy texts me like the next day.

I mean, he wouldn’t have known that I was dating this other person and he texts me the next day. And I thought, you know what? Maybe I was wrong. Here I am painting red flags, green gaslighting myself.

Maybe I was wrong. I think everything’s fine. I’m going to like talk to him again.

And so we started dating and that relationship was actually abusive. So my gut feeling was a hundred percent on point. Like I just, I just didn’t know how to listen to it.

And I, as I say, like I would abandon myself in these moments. And so it wasn’t until I was at this point in life where my sister was living in the UK at the time. And so I had gone out to visit her and I was like, I’m going to do a solo trip to Ireland.

And so I went to Ireland and I was, I was in this hotel room. I just, it’s a vivid memory. So back in the day, okay.

We’re talking 2015. Instagram had this feature where you could see what photos other people were liking. Do you remember that feature? No.

Okay. It was controversial. I mean, it literally like people would like look at it all the time and I rarely ever looked at it, but I hadn’t heard from that guy that I was dating at the time.

Right. Like I hadn’t heard from him and my gut just knew something was off. This doesn’t feel right.

Something’s weird. I don’t know. So I’m looking at Instagram and I, and I, I had texted him and reached out.

It had been hours and hours since I’d heard from him. And this is so strange. And then all of a sudden I look at that feature and I see that he has liked this girl’s like wet t-shirt photo and that he knew.

And I was like, this just immediately my gut, like, you just know things are off. My gut like sank, like sunk. And I was like, this, this is not, something’s weird.

And so I went to the Wicklow forest, which was, I was supposed to go with a tour group. Everything happens for a reason. I’m very spiritual.

I’m not religious, but, and I’m not spiritual in a sense of like, Oh, you follow this type of spirituality or crystals or that kind of thing. It’s like my own understanding. I always say it’s like, my gut is guided by like, you know, spirituality, the universe.

And I was supposed to go on this tour and the woman had wrote down the wrong time. So I missed the bus, but here I am in Ireland. And I just, I have a day left and I’m like, I want to go do something.

So I get on the local bus and I, it takes me all the way out to the Wicklow forest. And if anybody’s ever been there, it is like magical. It is so beautiful.

It’s green. It’s lush. Like, I don’t know, there was something real, like magical in there that day.

And I was, I was standing in there and I was wandering around and I didn’t really have a plan. It’s kind of my MO. It’s funny because I’m, I own a business and I’m very like about my business type A, but like in life, I like to, I like to adventure and I don’t like to have everything planned out.

Cause I think sometimes the most amazing moments in life aren’t planned because I think that’s like what life is really about. And I’m just wandering around and I just have this moment. And I just like, Oh, it’s like, almost like I hear this like voice.

It’s like this, like first, like just like powerful thing I’ve ever heard in my life. And it’s like, you’re going to be okay. And you have two paths in front of you.

You can continue down the path of choosing this relationship, which you know is unhealthy and isn’t right for you, or you can end it and you can begin the most important relationship that you’ll ever have, which is the relationship with yourself and begin that self-love journey. So I get back to LA and he picks me up and something feels off. I mean, I just immediately, like he picks me up from LAX and I’m like, Nope.

Like the, like I felt like something had just shifted in the universe that I needed to know. And at the time I was really into CrossFit. So everybody can roll their eyes fine, but I loved doing CrossFit.

And so I go to CrossFit with a friend and afterwards, she was a mutual friend of ours. Afterwards she comes over and I would never have had the courage to ask this question prior because I so needed my reality to fit into a box that felt safe for me. And I was sitting at the kitchen table and I just looked at her and I said, has he ever cheated on me? And her face, she just looks down and I was like, Oh, he has like, this is my answer.

And she just looks at me and was like, well, there was this girl from the gym, different gym that they were going to. And she just basically told me that like, apparently there were rumors that he had been cheating on me with that girl. They didn’t know how to confront me and tell me.

Um, so, and there was like, she never like saw it, but she heard the rumors and she didn’t want to get involved. I didn’t blame her to be honest. Like I get like, she didn’t know what to do.

Apparently another friend of mine called him when this was going on and told him to knock it off. Otherwise she was telling me immediately. And I don’t, and it’s interesting because some people have been like, Oh my God, that’s so messed up.

They haven’t told you. I’m fine because everything I believe in life happens the way it’s supposed to. I don’t know if you’ve ever read the book, The Alchemist.

Have you ever read that book? Okay. It’s so good. So there’s a saying and it’s muck tube, which means it’s written.

So it’s just this idea that like, no matter what’s going on in your life, like it’s written, like you’re going to be fine. That’s, that’s the way I interpret it. And it’s going to work out the way it’s going to work out.

Like you can veer to the right, but you’re going to come back to the center and you can veer to the left and you’re going to come back to the center. Like it’s all gonna, it’s all gonna be what it is because it’s written. And so, so I, I, I just feel so deep that like, I have no regrets about finding out when I did and all of these things, because for me, I’m like, I just, I needed to go through this.

This was part of the process of my like muck tube. It’s like being written in my life. So it’s kind of hilarious.

I go over to his house that evening and I confront him. And then of course he gaslights me and he tells me, Oh, Carla, this doesn’t seem like you. You don’t seem well.

Like this isn’t you. Trust me. I know like who you are.

And then I’m like, Oh, okay. Like maybe I am like a little crazy. Maybe I am making this up.

So I call my therapist the next morning and I tell her, Hey, can we have a phone call? Cause like, this is what’s going on. And she gets on the phone call and she goes, Carla, you sound extremely sane. There’s nothing here that you have done.

That doesn’t sound like it’s you or coming from a place that, you know, isn’t grounded. And she was like, so it sounds like you’ve made your decision that you do want to break up with him and that this is not right for you. And so I go over to his house and I just basically tell him flat out.

I’m like, I, and we had, she and I had a plan because he was abusive and very controlling. And so I basically went over there and I just told him, I was like, look, like I, I can’t, I can’t do this. I’m ending it.

Like, I don’t want to be in this relationship with you anymore. Goodbye. And I get up to leave and he starts like shouting at me to come back, come back.

And I’m like panicking. Cause I’m like, this is crazy. And so like a fight or flight kicks in.

And instead of taking the elevator to wait, like he lived in an apartment building, I just took the steps. And as I’m running down the steps, he’s like chasing me down the steps to come back. Like yelling in an angry way or like, I, it was like a, he was, he, it was, it was somebody who was losing control over the other person.

He no longer had control over me. And here I was like holding my own and he was like, come back here right now. Come back here.

So I run down the stairs, I get out the building. I was like, okay, I feel good now. Like I’m back in, like the, I can see the sunshine.

Like there’s people around. I don’t feel like as threatened by like how he’s acting right now. And he’s like trying to talk to me, trying to talk to me.

And then he’s like, can I just, please just sit in your car for a second and just talk to you. I’m like, okay, fine. So I let him sit in my car, which honestly is the most hilarious things because he’s sitting in there and he’s denying everything.

And then he’s like, okay, fine. I’ll you, fine. I’ll tell you, I did know this person or he says something like that.

To be honest, I don’t even remember exactly how it went down, but he confirmed enough that he had been lying and like tried to like, he didn’t tell me he was cheating, but he tried to like, you know, make it seem like he was, you know, okay, I’ll tell you the truth. You know, I’m going to give you some info so that you, you trust me. And instead of gaining trust, I was like, thanks.

You just confirmed even more reason why I don’t want to be with you. So I was like, please get out of my car. He refused to get out of my car.

He was literally like, no, I’m not getting out of your car. I refuse. Like I won’t get out.

So I was like, okay. So I was like, I’m going to bring him to the driveway of his apartment building. And, and so I like start to like drive.

He’s like, where are we going? And I was like, I pull into the driveway of his building. I’m like, get out of my car. He’s like, no, I’m like, okay.

So I knew he hated public like disturbances. So I put the window down and I scream, get out of my car. And that man jumped up like I’ve never seen before of literally like, he couldn’t take that.

It was like public humiliation and that people were seeing this because he was like all about like putting on this good persona. He was very much into himself, his own looks, his own image, not from a codependent standpoint, but from an ego driven, low self-esteem standpoint. And he couldn’t stand that people around and like, here I am shouting this.

So he like jumps out of the car and that was it. And I was like, I’m done. And of course he, I mean, he would call me from different phone numbers.

He, I blocked him. He’d email me, find ways to email me. It was, he showed up at my apartment one night like with gifts.

He made this creepy ass collage that honestly, like my family still laughs to this day. He had cut out just pictures of me. Okay.

And literally taped them into this like big frame, just me and gave me that with this like weird, like flower potted plant that was like, not like cute. That looked like a funeral arrangement. I mean, that’s going into everything.

That’s like what it felt like. Um, but, and I was just like, get out of here. I’m calling the cops.

Like, get out of here. Like, leave me alone. And I never went back.

Like I never went back to that relationship. And I have to say that like, finally, once I was like really serious about like the cops and I was like keeping paper trails and I had gone to file a police report and it’s crazy because I got sexually harassed at the police report. It’s honestly the front desk person was like, Oh, well, I mean, you know, is he stalking you? Oh, you’re a pretty girl like you.

I can see why somebody would want to, you know, follow you. I’m like, what? Here I am like not feeling safe. Right.

And like trying to do something about it. And like this fucking weirdo is like harassing me right now. I was like, Oh, um, but you know, so I, I, I ended that relationship.

And the point I’m making when I say I didn’t go back is because I tried to get out of that relationship a couple of times in the relationship. And it takes many times to get out of an abusive relationship. But what was most powerful is that I felt like I had something within myself I had never had before.

And that was the relationship with myself. And I started myself love journey from there. And I was very intentional around learning like what my needs are.

I didn’t even know what needs were. I didn’t even understand what red flags were prior green flags. Like I had no, no idea.

And I also finally came to a point too, where I was like, I don’t need somebody who is quote unquote fucked up to take care of. I want somebody who’s taking care of themselves. And it was just this huge shift.

And I was dating very different. And, you know, I, I from there was like, wow, other people are going through this, like other people are struggling right now. And it’s isolating when you’re going through it, because you feel like you’re the only person you don’t know, like who to turn to, or, you know, it’s your shame, feeling shame and all this stuff around your feelings.

And so I thought to myself, I want to help other people. And through this codependency, breaking free from codependency journey, and myself love journey that I started, I was showing up to work differently too. I had boundaries like in, look, in TV production, they love to take advantage of you.

When you’re a freelancer, like you don’t have, you don’t have any rights. There’s no contract, nothing. Like you just get signed on as a freelance person, you sign an NDA for whatever show you’re working on.

And that’s how it’s done. And my relationship and motives were like, I don’t want to burn out and work for these people anymore. I’m tired of getting exhausted and burning out.

Like I’m now taking care of myself and I have a full life of myself that I’m choosing actively. My life doesn’t really fit in with this career anymore. And so I was like, I want to be certified and be able to help others go through their journey.

And so I made the transition pretty quick. I started getting certified to become a coach, got certified, got let go for my last job in casting for TV. It was a reality show I was working on.

And from there was like, that’s my sign. Like, I’m not, I’m like, I’m no longer just going to fight these things. Like it would have broke me before to get, to get let go early.

And in this situation, the direct casting director, I said to her, I said, are you firing me? She said, no. She said, I just hired you because I thought you’d work harder than I would on this because that’s the type of person I used to be. I used to like need to prove myself and work and work and work myself into the ground.

And I was no longer doing that. And people noticed and that’s okay. You know, those are choices that I made and made for the better because I was able then to start, start my business and go, go from there and actually help other people who were struggling in their dating journeys, their relationships, their breakups and codependency.

So now you are a certified dating and relationship coach and it’s been nine years. So you’re, you’re 35. Yeah.

Good, good job. How did you do the math? No, you told me you were 35. I was like, wait a minute.

I was like, that’s so impressive. No, you told me you were 35. Oh my gosh.

I was like, I know I said I was 22 and then whatever in 2015 and then this, and I was like, but I was, but there was that gap. So I was like, how did she do? Yeah, no, I did no math. Only that’s so funny.

I love it. So did you get certified and stuff in California or do you already move back to Maryland? And that’s where it happened. So I started my business in LA.

I actually used to, God, pre COVID was such a cool time because I used to do these like women events, like women’s events. It was a thing in the teens, the tens, the 20 tens, where it’s like, there was like all the like women empowerment and like women’s events and spaces for women to go to. And so I would do it with a couple other coaches that I networked with who were also in similar like business stages as me at the time.

And we would put on these events. It was so cool. They’d get sponsored by like Nike or Aloe and like, you know, all these like cool, like companies would like donate stuff to it.

Uh, you know, we had like NARS come and like do like a lip, like, you know, like a little like lip, what do they call it? It was some kind of like lip station where they would like do lipstick on the girls. And like, I was going to say, it was such a fun time post COVID is just so different. I mean, and this thing about like owning a business.

So yes, there’s a side of me that is the coach, right. But then there’s also a, I am very entrepreneurial. So like, I have had to learn to shift in my business many times.

TikTok didn’t even exist when I started. So, you know, learning to kind of like shift into that and like what that was going to look like social media has immensely changed. Reels, I don’t think even existed when I started.

It was still photos. Like there’s been a lot of like these shifts of like marketing yourself and getting out there and sharing just the word, you know, sharing with everybody about, you know, your dating tips and relationship tips and all that kind of stuff. Um, even the podcast space is just so different now than it was like years ago.

Um, but yeah, I mean, it’s so rewarding. I love, I honestly, I love what I do. Like I really do.

Like it gives me, it gives me so much meaning and so much purpose to help other people like genuinely. And that I get to build these really amazing relationships with my clients who, you know, we build this like bubble of trust and safety and security where they can come to me and, you know, people share with me things they don’t talk to other people about because sometimes it’s so hard to, and I’m a very, I’m a really nonjudgmental person. Like I really like, I’m big on like, if you’re there and you are, I was going to say sitting across from me on a computer screen, cause I am a remote coach.

Um, you know, and you’re opening up and you’re sharing because you want to change and you want to like, you know, change your life in some kind of capacity. Like I’m here with you all the way, you know? And, and I understand what that’s like to be in that seat personally. And I think too, the other thing as well, and coaching is like, I have my own life behind the scenes and, you know, I’ve been in, I’ve been in, uh, I was in a relationship where I was engaged to somebody and, you know, I, I didn’t see any red flags during the relationship.

And then all of a sudden I started seeing red flags and I had told myself, I will never abandon you ever again, Carla. Like that was sort of this thing of like, you see red flags in any relationship moving forward, no matter where you’re at in it, like we’re not abandoning, you’re going to lean into the red flags instead of ignoring it. Like I said, like in that story I was telling about the abusive ex of mine, how I asked my friend, I leaned in and asked, had he been cheating or had he cheated? Right.

Like that she knew of, because I so badly like would be like, you know, denying those parts of reality right before. And I just, I leaned into the red flags and explored them. And I remember they, not vaguely, I remember vividly, I was on a way home from a family trip.

We went to Spain and he didn’t come with me. And on the trip, he cuts always these, it’s always these international trips. I have these awakenings and, and I I’m sitting on the flight and I’m like, my gut feels really off.

And his behavior was so strange. Like when I was on the trip and he and I had done long distance for a year, like a year, year and a half prior to like actually physically being together two years before that. And so like, I knew this was not normal behavior and like, I didn’t hear from him from him.

It’s like all this stuff, right? Like you don’t hear from the person. Something’s weird. And I was like, your guts off.

We’re going to lean into this. We’re not going to back down. And we had only been engaged for less than two months at that point.

And so I just was like, this is, it’s like, we got engaged in everything. Just like crescendoed. It was, it was crazy.

And I was like, no, I’m going to lean into it. And when I got back, I leaned into it and I put together through his lying, he lied so much, but put together that he was cheating on me with a coworker. And so I just, I left, I actually like up and left the city.

I, I was living in Boston at the time. And the same day I figured this out and put it together. He was on a date with her and he wouldn’t answer my calls.

And I was like, I’m getting on a plane. Like I’m going back to my mom’s right now. And I, I lived with my mom for a little bit.

Like I didn’t have anywhere to go. And, and then I was able to like get back up and it was really traumatic. And, but I have to say like having my business and helping other people, like I had clients getting married and engaged during this time.

And I was able to separate the two. And I, and I was still like, you know what? Like, I’m not, I don’t feel hopeless. Like I don’t, I still believe love exists.

And I believe that that the love that I want, that’s healthy. And what I want for myself exists out there. Because I believed in myself.

Like I really believed I was like, this, this is his, these are his actions. This is not a reflection of me, anything I did. And when I did see the signs, I leaned into it and I was really proud of myself.

Like it actually gave me confidence at the time. It was, it was also traumatic, but it gave me this like new level of confidence of I’m okay with myself. And that was also like a testament to my like codependency journey and breaking free from it.

That like, I didn’t need anybody to define me even here. I am a dating and relationship coach, a failed engagement and still felt worthy. Still felt like I was able to help other people like through their stuff and, and separate my, my own stuff out with it.

And yeah, I don’t know. It was a really, honestly, it was one of the best things that could have ever happened to me. Yeah.

I think that’s amazing. I think that you, you followed your own like guidance, right? Like what would you have told one of your clients if they noticed all these red flags and suddenly weren’t feeling right about it. And when we look back at relationships that like a failed engagement, like it’s actually a win, right? Like, like getting married would have been a failure.

Oh my gosh. It would have been a failure. So I think a lot place like this, this value on making things work and sticking together and following.

Yes. You’re following through with your decisions or whatever, but, but those, those are, you can’t control other people. And when other people gave away, it’s your responsibility is to yourself.

And your responsibility is to keep yourself healthy and happy. And so when other people are not, um, are not that way in a relationship, it’s your responsibility to leave. A hundred percent.

Yes. Yes. And that’s, and that’s something like, I, you know, I hadn’t been in a situation like that since, you know, I was with the abusive ex.

And so it’s like, I didn’t, you know, I didn’t know like, okay, like, I know I have these tools, but I hadn’t practiced them yet. And here this was coming up for me and I was like, Oh, it just felt so right. And it felt so good.

Like there was something about it that was so empowering to be able to be like, I’m choosing myself. And that’s actually something I told him during the call that I was like ending things. And I say call because we weren’t in the same city.

I had literally gotten on a plane and left because I wanted to take care of myself. I was like, I don’t have family in this city. And, and the three girlfriends that I had made in the year that I was living there all were out of town.

And I was like, I’m going to go take care of I’m going to buy a one-way ticket back to my mom’s for right now. So I can be around somebody who, you know, is going to support me and be there for me and not judge me of what I’m going through and not try to tell me. My mom is like really awesome with boundaries, not tell me like what I should do or shouldn’t do, but it’s going just to be there for me.

And yeah, I called him the next day and I just, I confirmed everything. And through a phone bill, a cell phone bill, you can do a lot with a cell phone bill. If the person’s on the same cell phone bill as you, just putting that out there, all the texts, like doesn’t matter if they delete the texts, all it’s, it shows that what was the text message, what was the phone call? And it shows timestamps.

It even shows like, this was the picture message. Like it tells you, like, it doesn’t tell you the picture, but it tells you what type of communication. And then you can run the number.

And that’s what I did. I ran the number and I was like, oh, okay, got it. Like this is what’s happening.

But when I ended it, I told him, I just actually told him flat out, I love myself and I choose me. And that was the truth. It felt so good.

It really did like a shitty time, a really shitty time and traumatic time. Cause it was really quick and sudden. It felt good still to choose myself.

Yeah. That’s really brave. When you have done something, I’ve talked about this a few times with different podcast guests.

When you have made a public decision about your relationship and you have to kind of, and you have to walk it back. That’s embarrassing. That’s hard.

Yeah. Part of the reason why divorce is harder because you publicly told everyone we’re married, we’re in this relationship and getting engaged is like, we’re serious. We’re doing this.

Having to go back on that. It’s a big deal. Yes.

Yeah. And then I just invest, I mean, I practice what I preach. Honestly, I just invested in myself.

I took time off of dating. I healed. I went to therapy.

I did a lot of EMDR therapy, which is great trauma therapy. If anybody is like, Oh, like how do I heal trauma and things like that? EMDR. I found it amazing.

Really, really helpful. And you know, I just was like, I’m going to go live my life. I went and lived in Mexico city for five weeks.

I did a solo trip to India. I have some friends in India. I stayed with them for a week and then traveled around India by myself for a week.

I bought a condo. I, you know, I just did all these things for myself. I moved into a new city.

Like I did all this stuff that I was just like, I’m just going to take care of me. I’m going to show up. And, and you know, I, I’m not desperate here.

I am in my thirties, which a lot of women feel this pressure to like, get married by a certain time, have kids by a certain time. And I just told myself, I was like, if I don’t, I’m the irony is I’m pregnant right now. But I said, my, my husband and I are having a baby.

But I, the irony is I said to myself, if I don’t, I really want to be a mom in life. And if I, if I don’t find the right person in this timeframe, right. Of like dating, which is okay, then I’m going to do it on my own.

And cause I have clients do that. And I think there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s a choice and not every woman wants to do that who wants children.

And that’s fine. This is the beauty. Like women get to decide their own thing, but I wasn’t pressured.

Cause I was like, I’m going to have a kid regardless, you know that took some pressure off the dating for me too, of like, I don’t need to find somebody right now because I need to have a kid. And I feel like time’s running out. I also have a whole, I mean, it’s a whole other podcast episode, but thoughts around infer, you know, infertility talk and pressures around women in their thirties, which I think a lot of it is bullshit because there’s studies from the 1700s of France that tell you that at 35, your eggs drop off.

That’s where the study originated from. So there’s, I mean, I have, I’ve had four clients, four women clients this year all give birth and they’re all in their forties. So, and this is their first birth.

So it’s like, I just, I think this pressure around, we have to meet somebody by a certain age or you have to have kids by this time or whatever can just be such bullshit in my opinion. And it can make women marry people that maybe they would never have married or be in relationships that are not right for them because of the fear around that. Yeah.

I’ve kind of become, I don’t even know how to explain my new found kind of like peace. I, what I, what I think of when you were, when you’re kind of like sit talking about your, um, your kind of like, it is written is like a sense of peace that you have over your life. Like, you know, whatever happens, I’ll be fine.

I’m at peace. Like there isn’t anything that’s going to happen that I’m not going to be able to like make my decisions around and, and, and move and move and do, you know, I’m always going to have a life and that, and it’s going to be what it’s going to be. So I have this kind of sense of peace around relationships in that, like when people talk about relationships being a success or a failure, that relationships themselves are like, almost like their own person.

Like they don’t have that kind of value of success or failure. They just are, and they’re going to, they’re going to be. And, you know, I had a marriage that ended in divorce and I don’t see that as a failure.

Um, and then I had another long-term relationship that was wonderful. And it’s like, I’m like, if that ended because we didn’t want the same things, but we still loved each other very much and, and had a lot, a lot to like that we could have done together, but we just decided that it, it, they had run its course and we wanted different things. Like if that could happen, I’m like, I, it’s hard for me to believe in forever in any case ever, because you can’t control other people.

And that’s a reality. And it’s what my therapist would call radical acceptance. It also makes me scared to commit because I’m like how I can’t guarantee I can’t, like, I don’t know what it’s going to make after these experiences, what is going to make me feel secure? Yes.

I honestly don’t know. I have a boyfriend that I’ve had for 10 months and I still call him my current boyfriend. And luckily he doesn’t get offended by that.

We talk about the future and we make plans and we talk about things, but still like part of me is like, nothing is forever. I can’t like, who knows what’s going to happen. And I had a good friend die at age 40.

And so I’m like, nothing is forever. So it kind of makes, I go back and forth with this like insecurity about it and radical acceptance about it. But I also think that’s the human experience, right? Like nobody is always in radical acceptance.

And like, I actually, I love the term radical acceptance. It’s I accept this as what’s happening. It doesn’t mean I accept that it’s okay.

I’m not accepting bad behavior. I’m not accepting that I’m happy about it. Like I’ve gotten to a place where I’m good about it.

It’s I’m accepting this as a shitty situation or I’m accepting this as what it is. Now, what do I do about it? And I think though, like that’s what makes us human, right? Is like, we have insecurities, we have triggers. I was just recording a TikTok about how, you know, you can get triggered in healthy relationships with somebody that is a great partner, but yet you’re being triggered.

And that’s because of the old stuff that you’ve, you know, been healing from. It’s really easy to heal on your own. But when you get back into a relationship and you have to be vulnerable again, and you have to open up because that’s what creates connection and you’re, you’re leaning into it and you’re putting two feet in, it can feel scary.

And then that can feel triggering because all of a sudden you’re like, oh my God, like I could get hurt. It’s not forever. Like kind of what you’re saying.

It’s not forever. And I think the reality is like, nothing is forever, you know, the good or the bad. Yeah.

So then I, then I, then I jumped back and, and go in circles, like, then how do, how am I ever going to, how am I going to feel secure in a relationship? I just have to like, say, you know, I can be, I can feel secure for now. Like, you know, yes. Well, I was just about to say, for now to the end of things help give you a reality check.

I feel like, yes, yes. I also, um, like breaking things down even more, like of like in this moment in this second, right? Like when you’re in a place of like, oh my God, it’s like, ah, I don’t know. Forever is a huge thing.

Whatever. Like, I’ll give this perfect example. I don’t know if you felt this way going into your marriage.

I don’t know if you felt like it was like the right choice at the time or whatever, but it doesn’t matter like whether you’re in a healthy relationship or not, but it is a normal piece. Like any client of mine who has ever gotten engaged and then I’m coaching them and working with them. And they’re talking about the marriage piece.

At some point, every single client of mine has gone, oh my God, this is huge. Like this is forever. Like this is a really big choice I’m making.

I’m like, yeah, cause it is a huge choice and you can’t, you can’t see what’s at the end. And so what I always suggest is no matter what we’re choosing, right. When we get in that forever mindset is there’s no kind of what you were saying of like relationships aren’t success or failure.

There’s no right or wrong choice. You just make a choice in the moment. That’s it.

And then you make the choices, what you have, and then you go from there. Like that’s it. Like that’s really the basis of it.

We, we put so much judgment on ourselves, I think around choices that we’ve made and things that have happened to us in the past. And of course there’s, you know, the psychological part of like trauma living in your body and that kind of thing. But also, you know, it’s just a choice.

Like we’re just choosing in this moment and you can always change your mind. I mean, I ended an engagement, like, you know, like you have to follow through. Yes.

Oh, I got a little taste of Carla as a relationship coach. Oh, there you go. There you have it.

I would like to ask you just some questions about your job, if that’s okay. Absolutely. Go for it.

Okay. So about how many clients do you have at a time right now? I have 20 plus clients. I don’t know what the number is.

It’s not 30, but it’s 20 plus. Cause I know I was just, I was just going through everybody and I was counting it out. Cause I’m going on maternity leave and I had to send everybody an email and I was like kind of counting out and I was like, Oh, I’ve got, and I just like 20 something clients.

It can fluctuate. And about how often do you connect with your clients? So some clients meet with me weekly. Some clients meet with me every other week.

Some clients I’ve been working with for years and they do maintenance coaching. So I see them once a month. You said that you do this remotely.

So it’s usually video. Yeah. I do all my client calls on zoom.

And if somebody wanted to reach out to you, how would they get ahold of you? Yeah. You can go to my website, Carla Romo.com. Um, and then if you’re also like, well, I want to know what you’re kind of like, what’s the deal. I have a podcast.

You can get a, you can get an idea of my personality. Um, the podcast is fun, but you can understand like sort of my approach to things through the podcast, which is Carla turned on and you can literally listen to it anywhere you listen to your podcasts. Um, if you’re like what, like what type of advice do you give? I also have, I mean, this is how we connected was through our Tik TOKs.

So any, any social media handle, whether it’s YouTube, Instagram, Tik TOK, Facebook, um, is I am Carla Romo. So you can always look there. And then of course I have links to work with me there too.

And it’s Carla with a C. Yes, it is. Carla with a C. What, and I, what I want to say to the Ask Elisa listeners is that I am very picky about what dating coaches I will interact with and support. And if you like what I have to say, and you like my, uh, you know, like the way I view things, uh, you will like what Carla has to say.

Uh, because I, you know, there’s so much bullshit dating advice out there about like, so much of it is focused on how to attract somebody, how to get somebody. And like, what we’ve said here is you can’t control other people. A dating coach should be focused on you and what you want and what your needs are like you, like how you, how you can have a better experience dating, how you can show up in dating and show up as the best version of yourself for, for yourself.

And so much of it is focused on like the success equals Oh, what I get a lot of times I get like, well, people don’t know that I have a boyfriend. They just assume I’m single. And they’re like, which, which it wouldn’t matter if I was single.

They’re like, Oh, you’re giving dating advice when you’re not successful. And I’m like, actually, I think I’m very successful because I don’t get burned out with dating. I know how to Yes.

I don’t abandon myself. And I think that success is because everybody has different dating goals. And so dating advice is one size fits all.

There’s no way. Carla, I’m a big fan because I think that you are doing good when that means a lot about there are doing harm. Yeah, thank you.

I really appreciate that. I hold to a certain ethics to like I’m ICF accredited coach, which is like the highest coaching certification you can get with coaching. And I’m extremely ethical.

And I think that that’s the scary part about the coaching world is that it’s not regulated like therapy is. And you have people who literally call themselves a dating coach with no coaching background. And they’re really just telling you what to do.

And that’s scary because you’re dealing with people’s vulnerabilities. I had a listener call me her unofficial dating coach. And I was like, Yeah, keep that unofficial on there.

Because I am sharing my experience and advice through my experience. And, you know, I don’t know you. Yeah, but also, you are coming from a good place regardless.

So and you’re what you talk about, you’ve done the work and you’ve, you know, been able to get to a place of like, feeling confident with dating and doing your thing. And so like, I think it is important to have voices like you, whether you are official or unofficial, though, in this space, because I think it’s I think it’s, you know, you don’t want to hear from people just constantly like, there’s so much noise out there. Like, oh, you need to like, show your feminine side, masculinity and femininity.

Oh my god, I cringe. Cannot stand it or high value. Oh, if you’re a high value woman, you will do you will this if you want to attract a high value man.

Oh, I talk, you know, and it’s bringing up sex. I talk a lot about sex because that’s a huge part of dating and relationships. And a lot of like creative content creators who talk about dating or whatever, like don’t talk about that aspect.

But I realized that people are really curious about sex. However, if you post about like, who cares about body count, because it’s not about body count, then you get these like incels flooding you and it’s just like and there’s crazy content around there about like, body creators like posting about like body count matters and like ask her on the first date and I’m like, this is psychotic. Like, what is this? It is nuts.

And I, I listened to one of your podcast episodes where, where you talk about like how long you should wait. Yeah, that’s one thing that I really agree with you on is that it’s different for every person. And when there’s advice, it’s like, you should not, or when the advice especially is like, don’t sleep with him because then he won’t stick around.

And I’m like, good, good riddance. If I sleep with somebody and he never talks to me again, I’m glad I didn’t wait three months to find out exactly. Yes.

A hundred percent. Absolutely. Yes.

It’s all about the control when it comes from a place of control. That’s, that’s the negative piece. Yeah.

And like, you know, yourself, everybody has a different, a different time when sleeping with someone or having any sort of intimacy is right. Yes. Everybody, everyone’s different.

Cause how are you going to tell somebody who has been sexually assaulted? Right. And really struggles with feeling safe in that space. The same advice with somebody who’s never gone through that and doesn’t feel that, you know, that they have a different definition of safety.

Like you just don’t, you don’t tell that you don’t tell the same person, the same advice. Yeah. Every episode that’s the interview style episode, like this one, we do a listener question at the end.

And I am going to ask you something different than a listener question. I would like to know what’s one of the most common questions you get from your clients about dating and then what your answer is. Okay.

I’m going to go deeper in this one. So this is a common question that usually I’ve been working with somebody for a men tend to warm up a little bit slower. I work with men and women because society conditions them not to be vulnerable and not to open up.

Women tend to jump in much quicker. But one of the questions that I’ll get is, do you think I’ll ever meet someone? And really what that tells me, they’re not really asking me, like, do you think I’ll ever meet someone? What they’re asking me or what they’re saying, what I hear is that like, I’m feeling really down about dating. I’m hopeless.

I need some kind of support. Like I need somebody to like, kind of like help guide me into a direction of like not feeling so hopeless and it’s them asking for help. And so that, you know, that question, like I said, it’s not something that comes up right away, but it is something that eventually we get to the root of.

And then, and then we explore that belief. Like what, well, what is it about that belief that you feel is true? Right. And then kind of like dissecting it and, and where, and now what actions have you taken around that belief? How is it popping up in your dating life? How is it affecting you? And so then we explore it from that aspect so that it’s no longer holding power or control over my client.

That’s really interesting. Like so many people give up. Yes.

Or say they want to give up. And they’ll say like, I went on, I went on four dates this year and nothing. And so I’m giving up or, you know, and I’m like, I went on 44 first dates before the 45th one was somebody I ended up in a relationship with.

Yeah. And in less than two years, like, you know, it’s in some ways, it’s not a numbers game, but in some ways it is. It’s like, if you’re not putting yourself out there, you aren’t going to, well, you have to keep the momentum.

You have, you have to keep trying. And so that’s why a lot of my advice is you can still keep dating and keep those options open, but not make it like everything you have, like not put, you don’t have to just obsessively use your dating apps or go to singles events and stuff. You can live your life and, and focus on that and enjoy your life.

And then, you know, the dating ups and downs won’t weigh so heavy if you are not centering dating as like the most important thing in the world. And that’s kind of what you did naturally. Like after, when you started becoming a dating coach and relationship coach.

Yep. Yep. I would not say it’s natural.

It was a learned behavior because my therapist had called me a serial monogamous because I would just hop, hop, hop, hop because I couldn’t be alone. And so I’m so comfortable with myself. Like that’s autonomy is something my husband and I both value very much in our marriage.

And before we got married in our relationship, like he has his own hobbies. I do my own thing. Like that’s, that’s, it’s awesome.

You know? And then we have some shared stuff together. It’s great, but like, I don’t, we do not need to do everything together and like we’re our own people and we have our own experiences and we don’t have to be enmeshed in that experience. That’s right.

Yeah. That’s ideal because you, you need to, that’s where you start to abandon yourself when you have to do everything together. Yes.

Yeah. Cause you lose yourself and that’s what codependency is. It’s losing yourself to someone else.

Yeah. And, uh, I definitely experienced that with my, my ex-husband. He was extremely codependent and I am not.

And so my, my independence, like, it was like, it hurt him. Yes. Me experiencing something joyful when he was struggling, like felt like it was kicking him down constantly and it just wasn’t going to work.

Yes. Yes. And that is codependency.

It’s like, you’re very mood dependent on the other person. The other person’s having a bad day. You’re having a bad day.

You know, the other person’s happy and not upset with you. You can be happy and not upset. Like it’s, and it’s just, it’s not healthy.

Yeah. And I was a little bit codependent too, because his, his like depression and his mental health was really weighing on me a There you go. Yep.

Yep. And I remember telling, um, like my doctor at the time and she was like, why are you letting your husband’s thing impact you so much? And I’m just like, we’re married. How could I not? Like, I didn’t understand.

You were probably offended. Like, what? I didn’t understand. And then I had a therapist I was working with on something totally different.

Um, like he was a cognitive behavioral therapist. So we were working on, we did the biofeedback where he was working on like me learning how to relax my body with certain triggers around. And, and he asked, he said the same thing.

Like, why are you letting your husband’s like that impact you? And I’m just like, yes. Do you guys not understand? Like marriage means like forever and you have to, you’re stuck, but really like within a few years we were divorced, but right. But yeah, I really learned that it, it’s not healthy and it feels so good when you can, when you can, um, create this, a relationship where you can thrive as a human to get, and you could each thrive as humans together, but still, you know, you still count on each other.

You’re, you’re a team. Yes. You know, your team is like the same team member trying to do the same shit, I guess.

Yes. Yeah. No, a hundred percent.

Yeah. You’re paddling your own boats side by side. Exactly.

Like both trying to paddle all the time. No. And paddle each other’s boats on the same side.

Cause you’re going to go in circles. Yeah, exactly. Um, well, thank you so much for joining.

Thanks for having me to have you back where we are going to do a Q and a short episode. But I think that there, I might even, um, after your maternity leave, have some other ideas for us to collaborate. Yeah, absolutely.

No, this is awesome. And thanks everybody for listening. Yeah.

Everybody check out at I am Carla Romo on social media and it’s carlaromo.com. Yeah, that’s it. Awesome. Thanks for listening to ask Elisa.

I’m your host, Elisa Sparkman. This episode was produced by me and music by Jacob Patterson.