Ask Elisa Podcast

NOTE FROM ELISA: This episode feels way more personal than the ones I’ve put out so far. It’s scary sharing this much of me for public consumption. In this episode, Jake teases me a lot and some people may think he’s not very nice to me. The episode is a tiny snippet of an interaction between two complex humans who like each other very much. A lot of the sarcasm is linked to our own inside jokes. In the larger context of the relationship, his kindness and care for me greatly outweigh the teasing. And he could stand to work on not reacting to everything with sarcasm. We all have things to work on. I literally sat him down and recorded him reacting to me telling him about my dating history – quite the uncomfortable situation for both of us. But here it is, in an editing form for you to listen to.

What is the purpose of sharing personal stuff? My purpose is to share authentic stories for people to relate to and learn from. I have to remind myself that being open and vulnerable is something the world needs more of. I can do this.

PODCAST EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

It’s Ask Elisa, a podcast about dating in your late 30s, 40s, and older. I’m Elisa. I found myself unexpectedly single right before my 40th birthday and it is July 2026.

It is my birthday month. I’ve just turned 42. My guest today is my boyfriend, Jake.

People have wanted to hear from you and I told them Jake doesn’t want to come on the podcast. That’s not exactly what I said. You made it seem like you were not interested in coming on the podcast.

It’s just because I don’t like to do things. That’s laziness. That’s not, that’s just that.

One thing that we have in common is like liking to be lazy, not wanting to do things. Sometimes it’s a problem. I don’t think so.

Yeah, like I need to get stuff done and I’m like, will you help me do this? Do you want to help me with, I say like, do you want to help me with this? And you’re like, no. I’m like, well, I don’t really want to do it either, but I have to. And you’re like, eh, I don’t really want to do it.

I’m like, okay, let’s not do it. You’re a bad influence in that way. I help you when you need help though.

It’s true. When I finally like procrastinate enough and then I’m like, I have to do this. And then you do.

Then I put on my helper hat.

That’s true. The plan for today’s episode is for me to look back at my last two years of dating.

So, I started this podcast to talk about dating and relationships because I was inspired basically by my experience. And it’s just kind of wild and different when you’re dating a little bit later in life, because no one around you is really, I mean, there’s a lot of people around you who are just married and there’s not a lot of people you can talk to about it. That’s just why I decided to do this because I like talking about it.

And I, I’m like, come on everyone, let’s talk about this. And then people are like, okay, but I have nothing to say because they’ve been married for 15 years. I decided to create this platform where I can talk about it and I can bring people on to talk about it with me.

And now I’m doing it. Yay. Yay.

Yay again. And also I want to thank you, Jake, for being so supportive of this podcast. I actually got invited to be on somebody’s podcast through my social media, TikTok stuff where I was talking about dating.

And I, this was back in like April and I texted Jake saying, Hey, this lady wants me to come on her podcast. And then I sent him a link to the podcast and he responded, please don’t go on that podcast. It was terrible.

It was not very, the production was really bad. It was, it was not for me. And then I was like, I texted him again and said, I should do my own podcast.

And Jake’s response was, yeah, you should. And then I was like, okay, I’m going to do a podcast. And like literally from, you know, that Michael Scott, I’ve had this dream since lunch and I’m not giving up on it.

Now was how I was in that day. Like I went from, I should do a podcast at like 11 AM to that evening being like, okay, so I’m starting a podcast and I did it. I’m doing it.

And you were like, what do I need? And I told you what you needed to do. Yes. You’ve been so helpful with all of your audio equipment knowledge.

Why are you laughing? It’s extensive. It’s not. More than me.

That’s true. Since Jake’s a musician, he has experience with things like microphones and recording and sound. I think we, most people.

And cables. That’s true. I do have a lot of experience with cables.

I have experience with cables too. I had to learn how to use cables. In film school.

Anyway, so. Is that all they taught you? Pretty much. It was a, there was a lot of emphasis on like managing your cables.

If you were on a set. It is important. Yeah.

Got to keep your workspace clean. It’s important to keep your area tidy. That’s what the Australian instructor would say.

Was he cute? I mean, I think everybody knew I had a big crush on him back then. That’s not surprising. I think he knew too.

I’m sure. I think his girlfriend knew. I bet you did.

Everybody knew. I was not subtle. You’re not great at hiding it.

Looking back, he was just a very normal average dude. But he had an accent. Yeah.

Yeah. And he was like, I really liked quiet guys back then. I think that’s still your type.

You’re not quiet. Sometimes. In public.

Yeah. Well, that’s just like decorum and manners. Yeah.

I don’t want other people to hear what I think. Well, in the past, I feel like I’ve had relationships where I’m like, they’re just quiet in all settings. You’re not quiet in all settings.

Anyway, the point of this episode is for me to tell you all about. Just regale you with my dating stories. Tell you all the entire, just like the statistics and the experiences of the two years.

Oh boy. Oh boy. Because I actually kept track of all of the dating I did.

That’s not psychotic at all. It is a totally healthy, normal, sane thing to do. I mean, I didn’t do it, but I’m not normal insane.

So there you go. Well, also, how many dates did you go on in the last two years? Enough. You’ve heard my dating stories.

Like two. Yeah, they were terrible. Well, I, I started dating at age 40.

Like right when I turned 40 in July, 2024. And then by the time I met you 17 months later, November, 2025, I had interacted, not interacted. That’s dumb.

That’s dumb way to say it. I had 45 connections. I still don’t know how to say it.

It’s so it’s hard to like, put these like, okay. I’ve interacted with 45 different individuals. That’s I’ve interacted in person.

No, you’re not helping yourself. I had, I made 45 in-person connections. So out of the date, my time with the dating apps, I met 45 men in person, 45.

You were the 45th. How does that make you feel? Not great. President wise.

Yeah. Your nickname is 45. I don’t like that.

45. That’s it at all. I call you 45 to all my friends.

I’m not even 45. No, you’re not. You are younger than me.

I am. You’re a little, I’m a little cougar going after. He’s 40.

Plus 18, 22 plus 18. Oh, okay. I thought you were saying 40 plus 18.

I was like, wait, are you like the guy that lied about his age? On the inside. I’m 58. Really? I don’t feel good about how long that took me to do the math.

That’s not good. Anyway. So 45, basically I went on 45 first dates and if you count like all the men I like matched with and chatted with, I can’t even tell you how many that would have been a hundred, like over a hundred for sure.

There’s a lot of people I matched with them was like, yeah, I don’t want to meet you. I feel like, or they were like, I don’t want to meet you. Well, they’re lost.

Out of those 40, 45 dates, first dates, 25 did not progress to a second date. So that’s over, over half. I will say that that doesn’t mean I didn’t see some of those men again.

That means I didn’t, I no longer was seeking like a romantic connection. So there were some in that 25 that I would say I ended up having like a casual relationship with or became friends with. There were nine, nine men that I had a casual relationship or became friends with out of the 45.

Were all nine potential boyfriend material or? No, they were all like decidedly not that. Hit it and quit it kind of fellas. I’m sorry.

Why did you say that? Cause it’s fun to say. A lot of them, some of them were just friends. I wanted to see that look on your face.

Yeah, there were, there were plenty of guys that I was like, wham, bam, thank you, sir. That is how that goes. Yeah.

So when I say 25 did not leave to a second date, um, some of those I became friends with, but there were some that maybe after a second date I decided to become friends with too. So it’s not nine out of those 25. It’s just nine out of the 45.

Okay. Sorry to make this some difficult mathing. We just discussed how that’s not my thing.

It’s not my thing either. And I had to, I had to compile these statistics. How do you think I feel? Spreadsheet-y? They’re in my notes app and not in a spreadsheet because I’m not a total crazy person.

Although, you know, it would actually have been easier if they were in a spreadsheet. There you go. That leaves 20, 20 men that I had a second date with.

Um, out of those 20, eight of them ended after a second date. Six of them ended after a third date. One ended after a fourth date and one ended after a fifth date.

So then that leaves three. Wait, three? You’re asking three or four. I don’t know.

In 2024, I started dating in July from July to December. I went out with like 30 ish 32 men. I was like dating so much.

And after the first 10, you were dating horde, horde. I was going at it. Horde.

Have you spelled it? Horde. H that’s not how I thought that was going to go. Uh, how do you spell it? I thought it was going to start with a W like a horde.

Yeah, I wasn’t, I didn’t sleep with 32 men. Yeah, but it’s more fun to make that sound that way. Okay.

So the reason why I decided I started keeping track of my notes app is after about 10, after about 10 first dates, I was just telling a friend about them and I was trying to remember that the people I was trying to remember their names and I was listing them out and I was like, Oh man, this is getting hard. Horde. So I, I have to keep track.

So I like listed it in my notes app and I started just keeping track in my notes app and then I started adding like little, um, codes around like how, what went down, how many dates we went on and how it ended. So there’d be like little symbol would mean like they broke up with me. They ended it.

They didn’t want to see me again. Or I didn’t want to see them again. Or if it was like neutral, um, and that kind of stuff.

Wait, what symbols did you use for me? I, I don’t know. I might not have kept very good track because I didn’t writing down. No, I didn’t update it because we, things didn’t end yet.

Are you, is this how you’re going to dump me on my podcast? On the air, baby. Guess who’s re-downloading the app. I think you’ll be fine.

I would be fine, but I would be sad because I like you. I like you too. I wasn’t going to do that today.

Wasn’t going to do what? Tell me that you like me. No, break up with you. Um, I’m trying to find a screenshot that I took of, of all of the notes app list.

So yeah, I put absolutely no symbols next to your name. That’s right. All I have next to your name is the date of our one date.

Speaks for himself. Yeah. Just Jake.

Just Jake. You, well, you were the only one who ever became my boyfriend. Sucks to be you fellas.

Yeah. You guys really blew it. They’re probably listening to this being like, this is the guy.

Yeah. This is the guy that she chose. That dude? Yeah, I get it.

But don’t, but then they like hear our, our adorable banter and they’re like, oh, don’t say it’s adorable. No one’s heard it yet. So I don’t know.

We don’t know. It’s adorable. Okay.

So I, like I said, I went really hard. Okay. I’m going to stop doing that.

No more, no more hoard. No, you’re not. Can’t stop it now.

So I, yeah, I was going fast and furious. That’s so much worse. Um, I was racking them up.

He’s making a face of the test. Okay. I went on a lot of dates in 2024, the six months.

And then I kind of, I learned so much about looking at those profiles and just seeing, um, signs that would make me, that I realized, oh, those are signs of incompatibility that maybe I didn’t really notice before, but I’d also, I got a little tired of it and I was being just more selective. And I think when you first start dating after a breakup, you’re kind of more like, oh, I’m just putting myself out there. Oh, I got to give, give people a chance.

So then I started getting, I started getting a lot more selective and got a little date fatigue. Yeah. And I would realize something that I did was I’d go on dates with guys that I could see, I didn’t see were physically attractive to me and I didn’t think I would be physically attractive to them, but, or no, I would be, I’d probably be physically attractive to them.

They wouldn’t be physically attractive to me in person. And I realized it was kind of, wasn’t very nice. I felt kind of like I was, um, first of all, like just thinking like maybe, you know, even though part of me was like, nah, my, what part of me, um, my brain.

Got it. And so I’d be like, nah, but then I would be like, well, I like that they do this, this and that, and they seem cool. And then it’s like somebody who might be a little older than I’m really interested in, or just like, and I’m like, they look, they don’t look like they’re like ugly or unattractive or anything, but I can just see like, they’re not really, they’re not somebody who I think I would be physically attracted to, but I’m like, but maybe because I am somebody who is more attracted to personality, so I would give them a chance and it would, I remember going on a date with somebody where I could tell he was just like totally thinking everything was going great and he was happy and like, just smitten.

And I was so like, I knew, I knew like in the first, we went for a walk, um, at a park. And I remember like within the first like three minutes that it was going to be a no for me. And I just felt bad afterwards.

Cause he was like, Oh, how about a hug? And like, just really, I could tell he was just super happy. And I was like, Oh, you smashed his poor little heart. Yeah.

I felt bad doing that. And I realized that I need to, I need to listen to my gut when it comes to that, the attraction piece. Even though like my mind tries to tell me like, Hey, no, you, you don’t always know what you find attractive until you see them in person.

But there’s sometimes when I do know my gut does know. So I start, I stopped doing that as much. I stopped just like giving people a chance just because maybe even though there was a gut feeling like, no.

Didn’t want to just waste everybody’s time. Yeah. That’s nice of you.

And so on new year’s Eve, I matched with somebody on, it’s so funny because I kept seeing this guy’s profile on hinge and he looked, did not look like my type, but he looked attractive to me still. He had like sleeve tats and gauged ears and just looked kind of more like he was into heavy metal, which I hate heavy metal. He was into heavy metal.

And I actually, I nixed his profile, but then I saw, I could see, you can on hinge, you can see who likes you just at one, like at a time. If you don’t pay, if you pay, you can see everybody who likes you. And I saw that he liked my profile.

And so I was like, I can, I’ll chat with him. Cause it was one of those things where I didn’t like his profile right away, but I couldn’t decide. So I just closed the app.

And then when I went back to it, I was like, Oh, here he is again. And then I eventually said no, because he didn’t seem like my type. Um, and I don’t really have a lot of what is my type.

It’s not very clear on, you are always like, you’re hard to predict to like my type is not very obvious, but it is obvious what is not my type, like a metal head. So anyway, we matched and chatted and we had a date at the air and space museum. I do love the air and space museum.

And it was really fun. And we totally got along and we went out to eat afterwards, which wasn’t planned. And he was so sweet and he was really cute and we just, we totally hit it off.

And so that was, um, despite his ear sphincters. Yes. Despite his disgusting giant ear hole gauge.

No, he, they were small gauged ears. We have a little, um, a little historical context around discussing gauged ears in that one of my friends decided that she did not like gauged ears because she heard that they can be smelly. And so when she asked me, like, did I ever date anybody with gauged ears? And did I ever get a little sniff to know if they were smelly? And I didn’t, I honestly, I didn’t, I never really dated anybody with really big gauged ears.

Just, um, this guy, Nate had small gauges and I, I never noticed any kind of odor. You weren’t curious. I was, I didn’t even know that was a thing to be curious about.

Oh, it’s a thing. Have you, have you, have you ever been curious about the answer to this? I was in a band with a fella who did not have the best personal hygiene habits and he had big gauged ears and he had them out one day and I let my innermost thoughts take my body over and I stuck my pinky in there and I smelled it and then I threw up immediately. But you, I just, so his, the gauges were big enough that you could stick your whole pinky in.

One thing I wonder, how did he react when you did it? He’s like, that’s disgusting. I can’t believe you just did that. Oh, so he knew it’s your ear.

He knew he had nasty ear lobes. I didn’t realize how nasty. Well, you didn’t know that they were stinky until.

I know that now and I can’t unknow it for the rest of my life. That smell will be in my brain. Is it one of the worst smells you’ve ever smelled? It’s definitely top three.

It was really bad. I don’t want to know what the other two are. Other people’s.

No, no, no. Squashing that anyway, so this guy, great hygiene, very sweet. We got along great.

We, I didn’t keep track of the number of dates. It was probably like seven to nine dates or more. I don’t know because we dated for like six weeks and saw each other pretty regularly and then he found out he was moving to California.

He wasn’t expecting to move for several months. So I was like, well, why don’t we just see what, we don’t know. We don’t know what’s going to happen.

Let’s just keep seeing each other. And so first you were like, okay. But then he was like, no, I can’t do it.

It’s I know myself. It’s going to be too hard. I don’t want to do it.

And I don’t want to end up with a long distance relationship. So we just need to end it. Did he move down to California to be with his fellow gauge deer people? I feel like that’s a California thing more than anywhere else.

I don’t, I maybe could be, I cried. That’s yeah. I was sad.

Cause I finally actually had a connection with somebody after so many people and it was like, I was sad, but you know, you move on. And I, that like not even a month later, I met someone else that we got along. Great.

We also lasted for about six weeks. I liked him. He was really fun to hang out with.

We did some like fun things. We went to the zoo, uh, the Woodland park zoo. They have red pandas.

Were you on a field trip? No, it was just me and him. So far, your two dates that you’ve talked about are very field trippy. Those ones.

Most of them. Well, that wasn’t, that was after we’d been dating a while. That wasn’t like our first date.

I just caught myself one day when I was driving up, driving to his place and I was like, I don’t even want to go. And I just realized like, I wasn’t, I wasn’t really like excited about the relationship. And I feel like when it’s a new relationship and it’s been like four to six weeks, you should be excited and like want to go hang out with the person, want to go over to their place.

It was like a 45 minute drive. And I was like, uh, I don’t want to do this. And I was like, well, you’ll have fun once you’re there.

And I did, there was really nothing wrong with him. And one day, I think maybe just like a week after that, or not even, he was supposed to come over here and he texted like, oh, I’m staying at work late. I’m just, I don’t think I’m going to come tonight.

And I was like, okay. But I had wanted to like talk about our relationship that night. Cause I knew that, that we, it wasn’t really like, I don’t know.

I just knew it wasn’t something, you know? So we talked on the phone instead and I said, Hey, I really just think neither of us is excited about each other. And he agreed. And so we decided like, well, you know, we, we like each other and we’re dating.

We can still just see each other, um, casually. Why not? Until we, while we’re dating, uh, until we meet somebody else that we like and, you know, that’s just how it goes. Right.

So it’s a very adult way of handling it. We saw each other one more time. And then I was in a play at the time.

And I sent him a text with like the information for my play. And the next, the next show was the show was the following day. Plus like more, more performances.

And he was like, sorry, I’m busy tomorrow. And I was like, yeah, no, but I don’t really care if he was coming or not. I was just like sending it to everybody.

Right. And I think I even put like, if you want, you know, cause I, I don’t, I didn’t care. I didn’t respond and he didn’t text me for like a month and then he texted me and started complaining about dating and texting me like, oh, I’ve been dating and this happened and this happened.

And I was like engaging in the conversation, texting back with him back and forth and letting him know what I’d been up to. And, and at one point in the conversation, he texted that, like, he really doesn’t. Get anything out of a casual relationship.

And I didn’t respond because I got busy. Cause you were approaching it casually. I was not, I just didn’t, I was busy.

And then the next day, like 24 hours later, I got a text that said, I’m sorry. I wasn’t talking about you. I didn’t mean, I didn’t mean with you because we had turned our dating into a casual thing, which we also had not seen each other in a month.

Um, I was not talking about, I, I didn’t take it that way cause I don’t, I didn’t care, honestly. I don’t care if you don’t want to have a casual relationship and you don’t get, they don’t do anything for you. Don’t, I don’t care.

It’s your thing. So I wasn’t taking it personally. I was just busy and I wasn’t texting.

I didn’t text him back. And I was looking at my Instagram stories to see who I always look at, who watches my Instagram stories. And I noticed that he hadn’t been watching my Instagram stories like he normally did.

And so I went to go look at his Instagram and he’d blocked me. Someone blocked me, but hurt, you know, I hate the term, but hurt. Not you.

You weren’t, but hurt. He was, but hurt. I still just don’t like the term, but no one likes their butt hurting.

It’s true. But yeah, I just, I, I can’t contact him. I couldn’t contact him to say, Oh, Hey, sorry.

I never responded or anything because he blocked me on everything when I, so I’m, I like feel kind of, it feels very like a lack of closure. Like I didn’t like, I never felt bad. It’s like he thinks it’s like he thought that I felt was mad and upset about something.

Do you want me to call when I wasn’t? Yes. Maybe, maybe he’s listening. Jeff, if you’re listening, I didn’t think anything bad.

I didn’t, I’m sorry. I didn’t really respond. I was just busy.

I didn’t mean the butthurt comment either. Everybody has feelings. We apologize to you.

We hope that you’re doing well. I’m sure you are. And I hope that you’re not always talking about your trip to Italy anymore.

Everybody does that. That goes to Italy or Japan. Have you been, have you been, have you been? I have not.

Neither have I to Italy nor Japan. We should go. Uh, I’m all right.

You just don’t want to go on an airplane. No, I do not. Why not? Just they’re terrifying tubes of death.

Oh, I thought it was because you’re a giant and it would be so uncomfortable. I don’t, I certainly don’t want to die in an airplane crash while also being super uncomfortable. It sounds terrible.

Yeah. I guess I’ll just go without you. So anyway, that lasted for about six weeks and it ended with no closure for me and I feel bad about it.

But also at the same time happens, whatever Jeff can go about thinking that I was upset and mad and stopped talking to him. When really I just was busy and his text ended up like getting buried and I had other things going on. Jeff, she’s a busy gal.

Yeah. I was busy with my one line in the music man at the time. Okay.

Have I ever told you what my line was in the music man? No, but I feel like you’re going to now. It was a singing line. Do you, are you familiar with the Wells Fargo wagon song from the music man? You know, my feeling about musicals.

My, my one line was, I got some salmon from Seattle for my birthday. It was really great. It was really great this time.

One of my friends was like, I love how you deliver that line. You’re like, I’ve spent so much money on voice lessons. I’m going to just give it my all.

I’m going to just go all out with my one line. And I was like, uh, yeah, I’m a performer. I’m not going to half-ass it just because I have one line.

I’m going to go all out. You’re going to do your job. Do your job, right? I mean, I got some salmon from Seattle for my birthday.

It’s like the best line in the whole show. I didn’t get any salmon for your birthday. I’m sorry.

I got some salmon in the fridge. That’s true. We don’t need to worry about that.

There you go. I got my own salmon. Okay.

Anyway. So this leaves one more person that before you, and that was in, um, well, I’m actually skipping over, um, Adam, the guy that I’ve talked about on the podcast a bit, who I dated a little bit in June, and then he was busy all summer, and then I reached out to him again, um, in the fall last year. So I didn’t count him because I don’t even know if that was a total of, maybe that was only like five or six dates total.

So maybe he is, maybe I did count him on this. It’s been a while since I’ve compiled this data. Anyway, in the summer of last year, I met a really sweet, caring guy who was with me.

You didn’t meet me in the summer. I’m not talking about you. Well, I’m talking about this, this person who was freshly newly dating after he’d been divorced for, or split up from his ex-wife for like a year.

And he just started dating. I was the first person that he dated after this. Oh, is this the husbandy guy? Yeah.

Um, and we were super happy and excited about each other. And then one of my best friends died. Choice to sing that.

So last year, um, on July 16th, one of my best friends passed away unexpectedly, and I didn’t really know what to, how to tell this person I’d been dating for a month. And so I texted him, Katie died this morning. And he responded, uh, Katie, your best friend, Katie.

And I said, yes. And he said, what do you need from me? Do you, would you like me to come over? And I was like, yes. And he came over within like 45 minutes.

He was at my house. I was like sobbing in bed. He made me coffee.

He brought a bunch of food. He cooked for me. He brought his work laptop so he could just work from here and just be here.

And he was wonderful. And just the perfect person to have been dating at that time. Besides if it had been you, you know, I don’t know how you would have been, but you’ve been really good with my grief.

So I’m sure you would’ve been great. I’m not saying this to make you sad, make you feel bad, like you’re not, but it was, I think it was just like life has its own perfect timing sometimes. And when this happened, like she was such a big part is such a big part of my life.

So everyone around me also knew her and loved her. And so the people who I would probably go to for support were also suffering the same loss. So having somebody who was outside of this was just really, really helpful.

And basically he came and worked at my house for a couple of days, just cooking for me, making sure I ate, making me coffee and helping me like go through the shed to find tubs of photos because I like immediately and urgently was like, I need all the photos from middle school and that kind of stuff. Cause sounds like a nice fella. Yeah.

He was a really good, really good one. Things got a little, so things got really intense, really fast because I think of this like big emotional huge thing. Yeah.

So things, things got, and also I think he was somebody who didn’t really had, didn’t have experience of like early stages of dating and his behavior was like he was a hundred percent in and after like two months or so he was like, Hey, I just don’t really think I’m in love with you. And I’m like, yeah, it’s only been two months, dude. So I was really confused by that.

And he’s like, I just, I, I can’t be your boyfriend, but he’s like, but he still wanted to be there for me and stuff. And I’m, I was, it was just hard to kind of figure out what was going on because I’m like, I understand that you don’t want to be a boyfriend right now. Like, that’s okay.

I would still be happy to see you. I need, he was like, well, I don’t want to stop you from like going out and meeting someone new. And I’m like, I can barely get out of bed right now.

Like, I’m not gonna, I deleted the apps and he was like, Oh my God, no, don’t do that because I don’t, I can’t be your boyfriend. I’m like, this is not about you. I’m deleting the apps because I don’t want to have them on my phone right now while I’m going through this.

And I don’t want to go on any dates. And so I’m like, you can still, we can still date each other and have it not be, you know, super serious because I’m not trying to go out and meet someone right now. Like, I’m fine with this, but like every week he would be like super, super giving and caring and take care of me.

He would fix things in the house really all. And he’ll just like come with a big box of stuff from Costco for me. And I’m like, okay.

Some real, and then he would be like every week he’d be like, but I can’t be your boyfriend. And I’m like, okay, well then he stopped bringing me stuff from Costco then. Like I, and then he would be like, I thought you really liked this.

I’m like, I do. Thank you. You know, it was just confusing and it’s kind of funny because so often the thing that men do and that they’re like, it’s like words and actions should align when you’re dating somebody.

But usually the guy is saying all the things and then not acting, not acting, like not showing up. It was the opposite. He was like showing up so hard, but then saying, but I can’t be your boyfriend, but I’m not your boyfriend.

And then eventually it just felt like I was getting rejected every week. Like we really good at setting weird boundaries, but then like, he would tell me I can’t be your boyfriend, but then he’d be like, okay, let’s go to bed. And I’m like, uh, I think you need to leave.

Finally. I was like, I can’t do this anymore. And then the more I thought about it was, and I, and I actually expressed it to him that it felt like emotional whiplash, like to have somebody show up for you so hard, but then be verbally telling you that you’re not the one you’re not, you’re not the one for me.

Even right now, you know, like even right now I have to say, I can’t ever be your boyfriend. I never want to, like, it was, it wasn’t like, cause I had to clarify, like, so do you want to date me or not? And it wasn’t, and I don’t think it was out of like any kind of like, Oh, I want to get what I can get and not have any sort of attachment or like a commitment. I don’t think it was that at all, because he was such a kind, good person.

I think he just didn’t know how to not show up like a husband because that’s all he’d ever really known. We had so much in common. He was such a, Oh God, he was like the smartest person.

He knew everything about everything. You could ask for help on anything and he would know how to deal with it, which was, I mean, looking back, like, I don’t really think we’re the best match. And that’s fine, but it was so nice to have somebody who was so incredibly helpful.

I’m not that Jake looked away like, thanks a lot. I’m not talking. You are helpful too.

I’m, this is, this is what I was a little bit worried about. Like I’m going to make my own special thing in my notes app and that’s going in there. Healthy relationships.

Don’t keep scorching. I’m just saying he was very helpful and very kind. And, Oh, and he had kids.

He was like the best dad I’ve ever seen. Really? Like wonderful person. And I really wish him the best.

It was painful. And I almost like when I’ve talked about this relationship before on the podcast, I’ve always breezed over it because it was, it was painful and I didn’t really want to talk about it. And I also don’t want him to hear it and feel bad.

Um, if he listens to this, which he might, cause I don’t know. I feel like he’s the kind of person who would find out everything and know everything. So after that, and I got back on the apps, I’ve said this on the podcast when I got that redownloaded the apps after a little time off to when, after my friend passed away, man, the apps looked so terrible.

Like there were really no good options, but I kept seeing this, this Jacob on there and being like, well, there’s no, uh, red flags or anything. Not exactly a lot of green flags either though. It’s just, thank you.

It’s just an okay profile. It’s just a flag. It is.

It is a flag. Yeah. I decided like, well, there’s nobody else to match with.

I’m not talking to anybody else. This is a really great episode for my ego. Thank you.

Well, I’m here to tell the truth. It’s fair. And when we started chatting, I thought you were just really, really engaging and funny and charming.

And I was like, I like this guy. I want to meet him. And I did.

And now it’s been eight months of pure, pure bliss. That’s the key. Everybody just make a funny Simpsons reference and you’re in.

Yeah. Simpsons reference definitely sealed the deal. And I think you’re pretty, uh, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty.

Um, but your, your, your pictures were all old and I don’t like having my picture taken. You don’t have a lot of photos of you. Yeah.

So anyway, that’s, that’s it. 45. Okay.

A little bit other statistics. We’re going to say, listen up 46. Are you, are you going to break up with me? Like you keep acting like you’re going to break up on it.

Okay, good. Um, if you’re going to do it, do it here in front of everybody. I don’t like when you start talking with your hands, scary, getting real animated.

Anyway, additional stats. I was stood up one time. That’s pretty good per.

That’s not bad. I was never ghosted in person, like in-person ghosted, like ghosted by somebody I met in person. I was what I call app ghosted, where you like talk to somebody a lot and, and schedule a date and then you go back to like confirm the date and they’re gone.

That’s happened to me. Yeah. That’s always so weird to me, but I think it’s like this kind of connection high that people get.

Oh yeah, absolutely. I feel like a lot of people are just on the apps, myself included, at least partially, just for their own edification. You’re on the apps? No, when I was on the apps, my God.

Just a little serotonin bump. Yeah. Just to get a little validation.

Yeah. Yeah. So, um, yeah.

So two times I was app ghosted. One time I caught a man lying about his age. We all know that story.

That story. I think that’s my second episode. If you haven’t, he wasn’t even good at it.

Well, he didn’t even remember he lied about his age. That is, geez, man. Yeah.

And one time I, well, did I tell you I was? Yeah, that’s what he said. What an idiot. Uh, and then he was like, but don’t I look 38? No.

He did. I was like, yeah, like I totally believed he was 38. Why did you lie? Like you just told me yesterday.

I look exactly 39. I told you, you look 39. So still younger than I am.

I was saying millennials look really good. Like we, we are aging really well. Except for this guy.

You are exactly how you’re supposed to be. I’ll take it. Okay.

One time I received angry mean texts after our first date. Uh, that story is in my episode with Hillary. Not, not the storytime episode.

I was here for that one. You were here for that one? What? What do you mean? I’ve heard the story. Oh, okay.

Yeah. You’ve heard, you’ve heard a lot of these stories. And so nine times the, it, the connection turned into non-romantic relationships, but I’m still only in touch with like three, maybe four of them.

Like in terms of likes following on social media. Um, and one of them is like an actual friend, friend, and that is boy Kelly. I met boy Kelly.

Yep. It’s a nice guy. Cause he’s an actual friend and not, I mean, not to discount like you other dudes who I am friendly with and friends with, but you know, it’s not like we hang out and stuff.

All right. So I also tried, so I was like mostly hinge and bumble. That’s what I used.

But then I tried other apps too. I tried. Okay.

Cupid one of the connections I met through. Okay. Cupid.

I tried match one of the connections, which was the guy who lied about his age. I met through match. Um, and then I tried Tinder for a really short period of time, but I did not meet anybody through Tinder.

Cause you’re not 20. A lot of people meet people through Tinder. In their twenties.

All right. So would you like me to go through the list of every man I went on these dates with? I think the important question is, would you like to go through the list of the fellow fellows, the fellows, fellows, fellows, the men? Well, I think it’s important to say their names. I feel like that’s not say their names, the meaning of that movement, but yeah, they are human men.

Hopefully you don’t know that. It’s true. They could be aliens.

They could be, you know, some of them behaved in ways that would maybe suggest that. All right. The first guy I went on a date with was off of bumble.

And his name was Brad. He was off the bumble off of bumble and quit bumble. I don’t know.

Maybe after I dumped him. What’s that slang for? No, I didn’t. Off the bumble.

Oh, he went off the bumble. Yeah. I don’t know.

What is that slang for? It sounds like some type of drug. Oh, a drug thing. That was a drug thing with you.

I don’t appreciate that. I’m just so innocent that you’re like, that’s a drug thing. And I’m like, what are you talking about? What are you talking about? Like the time when I watched Winter’s Bone and I was like, what even is crank? Did you not pay attention in Dare? I did pay attention in Dare.

Obviously not close enough. I still even remember some of the Dare song that we sang at our Dare graduation because I have crazy memory. No, that’s just because you like musicals.

I was, I just memorize songs really easily. But I was also really sad that my Dare essay wasn’t chosen to be read at the at the graduation. My Dare officer, a couple of years later, got busted for selling drugs.

So there you go. Only in Montana. No, I think that happened a lot.

OK, well, our Dare officer became a priest. It’s a lateral move at best. And Amanda, my best friend, Amanda, got to read the Dare essay, her Dare essay.

And she she did a little thing about how her parents used to smoke and how she’d ask her dad not to smoke. And they didn’t know about it. And they went to the Dare graduation and heard their daughter goes up and like reads this essay about like.

And then I used to go up to him and be like, Daddy, please don’t smoke. They said they were super embarrassed. And it was that like a private Catholic school where people were super righteous, self-righteous.

Yeah, they do love their shame. Oh, my gosh. And I didn’t know this until recently.

Like recently, Amanda told me that that her parents were super embarrassed by it. Awesome. Yeah.

I’m like, my dad smoked. My dad still smokes and I didn’t get chosen. My dad still smokes and he’s dead.

That’s how much he smoked. OK, anyway, Brad, the first day I went on, he was a little older than I decided was a little too old for me. I think he was like 46 or 47 and I was 40, just turned 40.

He looked a lot older in person than his photos. He looked really cute in his photos and I was excited. And then he like had gray hair, but then like the tips were dyed with like a really, really bad black hair dye, not even the tips.

It was just like a really bad black hair dye job, the hot kind of gray. It was not. It was not.

You know, he probably would have looked better if he just left it all gray. It wasn’t like a touch of gray. And then then the second guy that I met up with in person and became a is the guy that I had a casual relationship with.

And he said he was not in a place to have like a relationship relationship. And I was like, cool, me neither. And we just like hung out and it was great.

And then I started catching feelings for him. And then I then when I was ready to tell him, he’s like, I met somebody. And I was like, oh, that sucks.

Anyway, we’re going to call him Albert. But what was his real name? I’m I’ll tell you later, but I’m not going to put on the podcast. He had a nickname.

He went by a nickname that was like a really stupid nickname, but his parents gave him the nickname. It’s not like he called himself that. Was it like potato? No, it was something like.

Like Sparky, like a like, you know, like a way worse than potato. Yeah, yeah. It’s not good.

It’s not great. My friend Sparky. Well, Sparky is often my nickname and my family’s nickname.

Yeah, well, that makes more sense. Yeah, because my last name is Sparkman. Also, shouldn’t say that on the podcast.

I say in the like, I’m your host, Elisa Sparkman. At the end of every single episode, people don’t listen to the outro. Well, I’m a public person now.

This is what I’m doing. This is my life. Anyway, then I went out with a guy who I’m actually going to just say his name.

Salim. OK. And I thought he was super attractive.

I was so nervous that I saw me. Oh, it’s a cute nickname. Yeah, it’s not bad.

I was so nervous that I just like talked the whole time nonstop, and I thought I was going great. And at the end of the day, he’s like, yeah, I’d like to see you again. I was like, me too.

And I was so excited. I was like, you guys, this guy, he’s so cute. He’s so smart and he’s so sweet.

And I just think he’s so cute. Look at his picture, everybody. I’m so excited to go out with him again.

I texted him and then he was like, actually, never mind. I was bummed, but I was. He didn’t want to say it.

Not heartbroken. Anyway, then was Howard. All salami and no cheese balls.

What is that? I don’t know. Then there was Howard. Howard.

Howard was his middle name. Were you dating sect of generians? Nope. He was my age.

He his first he decided to go by his middle name and not his first name. And his first name was like a very regular name. Like a good regular name, not like not one that’s like Matt, you know, like a lot of people are named in their, you know, late 30s and early 40s are named like Matt, right? It was like a name like Jacob.

A good, a good, solid name. Like, I just don’t understand why he said he just felt more like a Howard. How, how, how, how word? That’s I don’t.

And like he started going by it like as when he was older. Like maybe that’s so weird. Yeah, I just I thought he was a little weird.

He was kind of like an artsy, weird guy. And the kind that’s like makes you feel a little intimidating. And Matt, what are we doing this weekend? I’d prefer if you call me Howard from now on.

You’re in your 30s. I’m not calling you Howard. That is how that would go.

He needs better friends. That shame him out. No, he felt like he was more of a Howard that is.

So honor that. I will not. You know, those kind of people who are just like, like dress a little like.

Grungy, but clean, and then they’re they’re just a little like aloof and and like arrogant. And they make you uncomfortable. Do you mean Seattleites? Is that who you’re talking about? Maybe a little.

Yeah, I don’t know. A little. Hipster, but like not not how hipsters were without the mustache.

Yeah, no mustache like like granola a little, but artsy and judgy about it. Yeah, but he was nice, though. The thing is, he just gave off that vibe and he was nice.

And I think actually he we were going to go out again, but I was pretty clear, like I just started dating and and then he never responded. I think he was kind of ghosting me, but I followed up a text like, hey, I guess we’re not going to go out again. And he’s like, yeah, I guess not.

So that’s how that one ended. Then there was Adam, the first Adam. I went out with three Adams over this.

Three of these 45 men were named Adam. It’s a lot. Two of them were named Nathan or Nate.

I have a cousin, Nathan. Oh, well, wasn’t he’s been married a long time. Two of them were named Eric.

Anyway, this Adam, I’m still like friends with. Nice guy. We went on two dates and then he was like, oh, I think I’m going to actually commit to this other person I’m dating and be exclusive with her.

You’re great. Let’s still hang out. And I was like, eh, we probably shouldn’t like because he wanted to like still go see movies together because they’re both movies, movie buffs.

Yeah. And I was not if you’re dating someone else. Seriously, though.

Yeah. I mean, especially if you just start dating someone to be like, yeah, and then I’m going to go out on some dates with this girl I met on or I’m going to go see movies with this girl I met on Hinge. Like, that’s not really that’s not really nice to the new girlfriend.

So I said, yeah, maybe maybe after your relationship is more established, but we can still like talk movies and stuff. So we just basically would text everyone’s like, hey, seen this movie? And then there is a little bit overlap in our work. So occasionally there’d be like a a work question, but he is a good guy.

Adam, I don’t know if you listen to my podcast, but I hope you’re doing well. We’re still Facebook friends. I’m pretty sure he knows about my podcast because I put it all over Facebook.

One thing that I will say that’s nice about Adam is that last summer he sent me a text. Hey, I’m really sorry about your friend that passed away, and I really appreciated that because all of the other like friends that I made out of guys on besides besides Boy Kelly. None of the other friends that I made over dating apps reached out or anything, and I know they saw it on my social media, you know? They didn’t actually just want to be your friend.

So, yeah, so I really appreciate Adam for for that. Then, Tony, I really don’t remember Tony. Noah, I don’t remember Noah.

Did Tony own a hair care facility? Tony’s hair care? Yeah. He might have, because I don’t remember Tony at all. It could have been Tony from Tony’s hair care.

Come on down to Tony’s hair care where we care about your hair. So Jake sent me a video of Tony’s hair care. And he had all the creams and your colors and bleaches.

You need to tell you tell them how you just said, like, come on down to Tony’s hair care where we have all the creams and bleaches and blah, blah, blah, blah. You obviously haven’t spent enough time in Chicagoland area. And then I sent you a text that said, come on down to Tony’s hair care where we care about your hair.

And you were so like you were like, how did I not think of that? That’s one thing that I like a lot of this. That’s something that I need in a relationship, honestly, is somebody who can be silly. We can like riff and yes and each other in those kinds of ways where I’m doing something stupid and silly.

And then you just like, instead of being like, oh, there she goes again. You just got to join in the dumb. Like I’m doing an accent.

All of a sudden you’re like, well, I’m like singing a song in an Australian accent. You’re like, I got to do that, too. And so when you send me a video about Tony’s hair care where we care about your hair, I’m going to I’m going to join in.

I should hope so. Yeah. Well, what did we decide Tony’s wife’s name was? Well, it’s also Tony, but with an eye.

That’s right. Like Tony, Tony, Tony, the band. Oh, that’s right.

And their kid is Tony. Yeah. OK.

Anyway, this is this is what life with Lisa and Jake is like a lot of nonsense. Anyway, so Tony, don’t know him. Noah, don’t know him.

Mike, that’s the guy that sent me the mean text messages. Oh, this is when you’re working your way through the Old Testament. That’s right.

Ethan. Ethan also went by his second or his middle name because his first name was like super biblical, like a like not not a very common one, like where you would say like, oh, are you religious? Because that’s your name. So he goes by Ethan.

That makes sense. He was a nice guy. We actually that was the first time I went on a date where I actually really felt chemistry.

And like first and only time. No, the first time in all of that. Oh, OK.

Where I felt like chemistry just in talking with him. And then when we went on a second date and I just like we had did not have anything in common, I was like, I can’t even imagine a life with this person. So wait, you felt chemistry, but you didn’t have anything in common.

We had like we could talk, but like he he did. His hobbies were like taking his truck into the woods and doing like races like outdoor truck races. And he had a motorcycle like just like his his passions were things that I like actively do not like.

And I feel like that’s a disconnect that you can’t really like if if something if the person that you are building a life with or a relationship with actively loves things that you actively hate. Not a good, not a good. Yeah.

So just no, thanks. And then Edward, Edward, Edward. He was sweet.

He was Russian, but he’d like moved to the US when he was like five. So he had a little bit of a Russian accent. It was cute.

He was very much anti Putin. And he said that so often he would be approached by Russian women on the dating apps who were pro Putin. And he was always just like, I got to know right away.

And he said it was really weird. Anyway, he he was nice. But just like there wasn’t a lot of it was kind of we were kind of like meh.

And we lived like an hour away from each other. And it just didn’t really we were both kind of like, man, this isn’t really something. But then like six months later, I got a text from him that said, hey, whose number is this? And I responded back, Elisa, we went on a date in the summer.

And then he was like, oh, OK, hope you’re doing well. And then like five minutes later, hey, do you want to start talking again? I was like, no, thank you. And he said, OK, so he’s still looking.

Yeah, I actually saw him posted on the are we dating the same guy thing? But sometimes people just post like who have a lot of trauma to be like, hey, this guy’s been talking to me anything. Anybody know who he is? Like because they’re just like so anxious and have so much trauma. And so I posted like he was perfectly nice when I went out with him.

He was that was Edward. And then there was Jason. Jason, I actually specifically reached out to because something in his profile seemed like we should be friends.

And so we were friends for a while. But then he’s like, what if we were friends with benefits? And I was like, meh. But I didn’t really have anything set up at that point like with that.

So I was like, hmm, I guess I guess so. I guess we could. Even though I kind of felt like, no, which I would never do this again.

This was a mistake back then. And yeah, it was a mistake. Nothing happened.

We like try it, like tried kissing and stuff. And I was like, no, get out of my house. That was pretty bad.

No, it’s just like I was not really attracted to him. I thought maybe, you know, like it’s just and yeah, we had already talked a lot. And like I knew about his situation and like I wasn’t just wasn’t attracted to him that way at all.

Because he had the same name as your brother. That would be I called him by his last name. I didn’t call him by his first name because.

Yeah. Then there was Milton. Milton was once again with the sect of Janarians.

I don’t believe you. He was a child of immigrants, Central American immigrants. So his name was Milton.

That’s way cooler. Milton. He was very nice.

It’s always nice to go out with a because I’m Latina, so it was always like. Do you have to say it like that, though? Yeah. OK.

Are you going to judge me? You don’t have an accent. Well, when I say a Spanish word, I automatically say it Spanish in Spanish because I’m bilingual. Brag much? What do you want from me? I don’t know.

I’m Latina. Latina. I’m Latina.

I’m Latinx. Because I’m Latina, you know, and have an immigrant mom, like sometimes it’s it’s nice to I went out with a few Latinos. Just poking fun.

I like it. Oh, my gosh. I you don’t you don’t like it when I speak.

He doesn’t let me speak Spanish, you guys. He’s like, we’re in America. Speak American.

Yeah. And he said when he says that to my mom, it’s really rude. Yeah, she gets really mad, but that’s not my problem.

No, he loves when I speak Spanish. I just wish I understood it. I took German in high school.

It was a huge mistake. Every guy I’ve ever dated who didn’t take Spanish in high school was always like, why did I do that? So talking about Milton. Oh, yeah, he was cool.

And we were like, oh, we should be friends. But then. Just didn’t really.

One thing I think about Milton is I kept seeing I just remember this. I actually just remember this. When when I kept seeing his profile, I’m like, oh, he looks attractive.

Everything looks great. But the the prompt that says this year, I really want to was go to an EDM concert. And that made me not want to match with him.

Yeah, I hate EDM. You should. I just don’t like listening to music that sounds like robots having sex.

Oh, you watch a lot of robot porn. Yeah, but I don’t like the soundtrack. Anyway, moving on, Zach, Zach.

Oh, you know, I’ve talked about like how I never had guys come to my house on a first date. Like you’re not supposed to like I did that twice. And after that bad experience, I never did it again.

Yeah, it’s good to avoid getting murdered. Well, I forgot about Zach. Zach.

OK, sweet guy. Zach was one of those guys who travels for was like for insurance and like goes and checks like your damage to like Araya still in the Old Testament. Yeah.

Is that new? I don’t know. We met at a restaurant near my house and he was staying in a hotel going around and doing the insurance like checks where they go and check to see your flooding damage and like say, OK, this is what you’re I don’t know what it’s called with that. What it’s called with those insurance people anyway.

So he basically lived out of a hotel. And he hadn’t moved out of his ex-wife’s home yet. He’d been traveling more for work because of, you know, not wanting to be home.

So Zach was somebody who was planning on moving to like Minnesota or something. But in the meantime, he was like doing a lot of this insurance stuff around the Puget Sound area. So he was just like really sweet.

And the claims adjuster is that claims adjuster? That’s it. Something like that. Insurance adjuster.

That should have. Yeah. Well, he we had a nice time talking and we talked about liking games and board games and stuff, and he’d never played Rummikub or rum.

I don’t know what people call it, Rummikub. You’re asking the wrong guy. My family calls it Numeros.

So anyway, I was like. Do you want to just come over and play games? Let’s just go to my house and play. And we totally just played.

I taught him how to play Rummikub and it was a nice time. OK. And then I’m like, OK, well, it’s late, so you should go.

And he’s like, how about we just sit on the couch? How about we just have a seat here on this couch, pretty lady? How about I come on and see you? And he’s like, let’s just have a little seat here on this nice green couch you got. And I was like, OK. And they like made out my made out with me.

I was there. I was present. He made out with you.

Yeah, I made out with him back. OK. And then we met up again one more time.

But it was not great. Yeah, no, it’s not a good experience. I mean, he was fine.

He’s a nice, sweet guy, but just not not a good kisser. We weren’t a good match. Kiss in the manner of kissings can get in a kissing manner.

We’re not a good match. Actually, no, I think that I think it was fine. It’s just like I was.

We weren’t. I wasn’t super into him. Just not into it.

Yeah. And then after Zach was Manny Manuel, another Latino. Much better.

Thank you. And he listens to this podcast. So say hi to Manny.

Hi, Manny. We had a really fun first date. It had a funny ending where he saw some people on his pop up on his door ring camera, and he thought his house was being robbed.

And so we had walked like after eating to like a park. And so we had a long way to walk back to his car. So he was like running ahead of me as I was like trying to keep up because he was like six feet tall and I’m tiny.

That sounds very fake, Manny. But I know it was true. Oh, no, he he was super embarrassed.

And then it turns out that his house was not being robbed. They were they left. He just couldn’t see on the camera that they left.

It was very funny and embarrassing for him. And I was like, OK, dude. But we had like such a good, fun first date.

And then we went out again and oh, he was so sweet. And just remembering this, my cat had like a really bad injury and when we were supposed to meet. And so I had to go to the emergency pet hospital and he met me there and brought me food.

Manny, that was always bring you food. Do I not bring you enough food? You bring me so much food. I do bring you bring me lots, but I I’m not saying none of this is.

That’s usually because I also want food, though. But I bring enough for both of us. You always bring food.

It’s delightful. Thank you. Can I go get some food after this? Of course.

All right. And then after Manny and Manny and I decided to be friends. And yeah, he’s he’s a good one.

But he moved away. But we still, you know, chat every once in a while. Didn’t he move away after some gal? Yeah.

He chased a woman. Well, no, don’t say it like that. No, I told the story on the episode with Boy Kelly where he he like was single and this woman that he’d been like kind of like they’ve always liked each other was single and she lived in Georgia.

And so he was like, I’m just going to move to Georgia so we can date. And she’s like, OK. And then one day I was like, hey, are we going to still do this thing? And he was like, yeah.

And by the way, I got married yesterday. It’s a good thing he moved. Yeah.

So good for you, Manny. Living it up. Then was Boy Kelly.

We know that story. Then was David. David was also somebody who was like, I like you, but I’m actually going to become exclusive with this other person I’m dating.

I thought you were going somewhere else with that. I like you, but I’m going to become a priest. What? Yeah, that happens to me all the time.

No, never happened. Then was John. And John is a story that I’m going to tell on a story time.

I haven’t. I don’t think I’ve told it. But Josh, Josh was the one that I felt really bad.

This is when you’re starting to move into the New Testament. Is there a Josh in the New Testament? I think so. Joshua.

Tim, Sam, Greg, Nav, Eric, Gabe, Jedidiah. I don’t remember Gabe, Gabe, Gabe, Gabe. Now we’re moving back to old.

I don’t remember Gabe. Jedidiah is a fake name. I don’t want to say his actual name.

He carried a satchel. Oh, yeah. And he wore like a long duster thing.

Oh, my God. Yeah, he was definitely he was one of those people who was another guy that needs better friends to make fun of him. He was actually really fun to talk to.

And I think I there was another situation where I he his photos looked better than how he was in person. He was wearing the duster in the photo. He wasn’t wearing the duster and carrying a satchel in the photos.

He had an interesting home life. He lived with a brother who was not able to really care for himself. And I think his mom, too, who was sick, it was just like, I don’t even want to deal with that.

I mean, if I really liked him and was really interested in maybe. But like I was not. But he had a lot of knowledge around some like family history.

And I was like enthralled. And so I was like asking him so many questions and so into like, I love talking to people. And like I thought you were going to say he had a lot of knowledge about the Civil War, because that sounds like who that guy is.

He probably did. But we were actually talking about Russia and Russia, the wars in Russia and like that kind of stuff. I wanted to know more about that because like his family history.

Yeah, so I was like super into this and talking about it because I just read a book about Russia and the fall of the Romanovs and stuff. Anyway, so I think he was thinking like, yeah, she’s super into me. But no, I was really just into this.

Did you just watch Anastasia? No, I haven’t even seen Anastasia since I was little. I read that book, this book about the Romanovs. So anyway, yeah, I felt bad because I was like, actually, I don’t really think there’s anything here, even though I was acting super interested because I was interested, like genuinely interested, but just not in like a romantic way.

Who’s not interested in a guy that wears dusters? He was fine, like just not for me. I’m sure he’s for somebody. I hope that he met somebody.

They can go to the leather store together. Yeah. And I wonder what he had in his satchel.

What do you think he kept in that satchel? Hands. Ew. I was thinking probably like Magic the Gathering cards.

Sidestep from hands. So then there was another Eric. Ryan, I don’t remember Ryan at all.

I don’t either. I was wracking my brain trying to remember Ryan. Aaron.

Aaron was sweet. I know a lot of errands. Yeah, you do.

He was so uncomplicated. Nice looking guy. Doesn’t sound like the errands.

I know live just like five minutes away from me and. We we went on two dates and I just wasn’t feeling it. But after the first date, he told me all like shy because he’d been super quiet and nervous, I could tell you so nervous.

He was like, you. I just want to tell you that you’re much prettier in person. No, it was.

I was like, I was like, like, that’s a really nice thing to say. He’s a real smooth talker, this fella. It was not like in a smooth way.

It was in like a little like a little like shy, nerdy way. Like he’s not wrong. You are much prettier in person.

Than in my pictures. Mm hmm. Oh, thank you.

Isn’t Jake sweet, you guys? No, I was just trying to show up, Erin. Okay. Stupid, Erin.

Anyway, we went out on election day for our third date, and I was like trying to like give him one more chance to be like to like pull me in because there was nothing wrong with him. I just wasn’t feeling it. And at the end of the date, he’s like, can I give you an election day kiss? Like he went from the smoothness to like the dorkiest thing, but it was really, really sweet.

And Jake’s covering his face laughing. Why? Why is that so funny? I mean, I was trying to like get away from election day stuff. I was like, just go to go on this date.

Did he get a kiss out of that? Yeah, it was just really bad. It was an election day kiss. Yeah, it doesn’t sound.

It was like, guess what? Guess what’s happening for the next four years, everybody? Disappointment. Don’t anyway, he was really sweet and it was a terrible kiss, and I waited until the next day and I was like, look, I texted him. I’m I’m just not feeling it.

And then he responded. It was probably that mangled first kiss. And he was like, are you sure? Like he was just so sweet and he seemed to really like me and I just felt I just wasn’t feeling it, man.

And we weren’t a good match. We really weren’t. Do you think he kisses different on different holidays? I don’t think he’d kissed anybody in a very long time.

Sorry. Sorry, Erin. I hope I really hope that he kept dating because he is a good, good one.

I hope you find somebody. But you know what he told me on our first date? Who you like a lot. He told me that he’d gone out with somebody like a year or two before and.

He ghosted her and he felt so guilty about ghosting her that he basically deleted the dating apps and didn’t go on any dates for. I can’t remember if it was one year or three years, but it was like a long time. He like punished himself for it.

And then so I told him, like, please don’t let this stop you from going out on more dates. Like, stay out there like you’re a good one, because I felt like he’s going to be like, OK, I can’t date for like another three years after this. And he was like, no promises.

Oh, come on, buddy. Get back in the game. I think you could find your your good match.

And then there was Gray. His name was actually Greg, but he went by Gray. Don’t love that.

Then there was Larry. The car salesman who lied about his age. Oh, that was wary.

Larry is a fake name, but it’s similar. You know, that sounds right for his actions. You know, he he is a Larry.

A real. Then there was a Nate and then there was Kevin. What? Another Nate.

There was the first Nate. This is the second Nate. Then it was Nate that I went on one date with and then Kevin and then Nate again.

That was the guy that moved to California. Oh, OK. So now we’re into twenty twenty five.

Nate and Jeff, they’re the two like six week long relationships. And there was Rami Rami was the Rami looked so hot in his photos. He looked like Riz Ahmed.

But what did what did Rami look like in real life? In real life, he was just like so like older and frail. He just didn’t look like his pictures. So Rami was said he was like five eight.

But I’m five foot three. And we were definitely seeing pretty close to eye to eye. And he was wearing shoes.

So I’m pretty sure he was like the same height as me. And I just like hate it when they lie about their height. It’s like, just be honest.

Yeah, we’re going to we’re going to know. And I guess they’re thinking like, oh, I won’t even get a match if I put my real height and I won’t that I get that. A lot of women are very elitist about their dating heights.

Most women just that’s fair, says the guy who’s six foot. Yeah, I feel bad for my short brothers. Most women, a lot of them are really cool and they get the short end of the stick.

You’re yeah, that you don’t really care. I do. I do.

That’s not cool. I like short guys. And I honestly, I wouldn’t care.

Most women say they just they would like a guy to be at least taller than them. Yeah. But honestly, if if I I’ve had crushes on guys who are the same height as me before.

So I don’t really feel like I’m one of those people. And I think there are a lot of women who don’t care. A lot of women who don’t care.

And that that they got snatched up early. So and I think that the height thing is on the table. Most of the time it comes from men who are insecure.

Like that’s how it’s perpetuated. But like we’re good. You are.

I think that comes out of a real thing, though. You can’t. Like.

I just saw a thing. You have to accept it like it’s not like you can just. You can’t get any taller.

I mean, there is a surgery now, but you really like it’s been painful. People are you’re going to find out and people usually are more upset that you lied. Like I’m more upset about the lie than somebody being the same height as me.

But would you have gone out on a date if you thought he was the same height as you? Yeah, he looked really good in his photos, but he didn’t look like that in real life. No, really. He was just lying about all.

I think they were just old photos when he was like a little bit more confident in his appearance. He just seemed very like small and like frail. He seemed kind of frail, but also like the conversation was not good.

He this weird thing he did. He was like mirroring me. Have you ever like had a conversation with somebody who are there like eager and they want to please you or they want to they want you to like them so they just like go along with everything you say and they kind of just say it back to you and like talking with a sociopath? Yeah, it was weird.

Yeah. I think it was more out of like disconcerting. Yeah, it was weird.

I’m going to act like this person because this is how people act. Well, it’s more like I just want to. He was like excited about everything I said and like.

But really, it was just it was just not not great. Then there was Marcus. Then there was the second Adam.

Another John. A Scott. And then the guy from the summer last summer, the one that was like three months, the husband.

Yeah. And then Adam again, kidding. Adam again, Adam again, and then a guy named Billy, who was like this big burly guy named Billy.

Justin, Justin. Sent me links to his music after our first date. That was really bad.

And also like he. Can I listen to that later? I don’t have it anymore. I’m going to try and look it up.

It was a band. I don’t. Yeah.

Anyway, then Patrick. Patrick is and I still text every once in a while. Say, what’s up? How’s it going? I told him about the podcast.

I thought he might like it. I don’t know. Then another Adam, the third Adam.

And then Jake, Jacob. Yeah. So that’s it.

Any questions? All right. So many. I don’t know.

I don’t know where to start or where to begin. But I don’t really have any questions. Actually, so I feel like you did a good job of explaining that.

That’s really like that was a I know that was a lot for. For the time, and I know a lot of people are like, oh, the dating apps are terrible, oh, it’s so exhausting and stuff, but like I really they are and it is. Yeah, but not if you don’t let them be like you, I told you my last two dates before I went out with you and how terrible they were.

Yeah, I’ve told you quite a few terrible stories. Yeah, as well. But I think you’re like a mindset is, you know, my mindset around dating got healthier along the way and it made it a lot easier to just kind of deal with the ebb and flow.

And I also I like having stories to tell and I like hearing people’s stories. Some of the things that I learned. It’s almost like you should start a podcast.

What? Yeah. I learned some interesting things that I found and I found that, you know, dating all these millennial men, I found a lot of things in common with our boomer parents. And that was interesting.

Like, I feel like it was I I like relationships and sociology type stuff, and I don’t feel like my main goal was to like find a partner. I was my my goal was to to date and get, you know, eventually. Yeah, my overall goal is like, yes, I want a boyfriend.

Thank you. Thanks for being my boyfriend, Jake. You got it.

And then. Just taking the connections for what they are and not. Well, I feel like you have a pretty healthy relationship with dating more so than most people.

Why? Because you don’t you didn’t take it too seriously. I feel like a lot of people do take it too seriously. And let it affect them if something doesn’t work out.

It’s just. Yeah. I mean, I mean, I would say like I took it seriously.

Well, yeah, like I wasn’t just effing around. Yeah, but you weren’t personally. I wasn’t taking it personally.

Weren’t just heartbroken if something didn’t work out. You’re like, all right, well, yeah, there you go. Moving on to the next thing.

I think that if you really focus on like, look, you you not just wanting to be chosen. Like, oh, please, somebody choose me, please, somebody choose me. That makes it so hard.

That’s that wasn’t my goal. Like I think like we’re talking before about people go on there for for connection, adrenaline, dopamine or whatever, go on the dating apps to get that for validation. And that’s that’s not not what I was looking for.

Yeah, ultimately, a boyfriend, potentially a partner, somebody to build a life with. But knowing that I’m not so focused on that goal that I can’t step back and see and appreciate a connection for what it is. Yeah, yeah.

That’s healthy. Thank you. Yeah, I I do feel like it’s healthy, and sometimes I just want to shake people and be like, stop it.

Why are you getting so upset over this person that you went on two dates with and they are not interested? You don’t know they’re a stranger. Why are you letting a stranger? They were my soulmate. So.

Yeah. What did you think of me when we first met? Obviously, I thought you looked better in real life than your pictures. Quit trying to be like Aaron.

I can’t help it. The guy got my head too late. You didn’t say it before.

You didn’t say it before Aaron did. You heard Aaron say it. Son of a bitch.

Well, I tried. I thought you were you accurately represented yourself on your profile. I’m a silly little goofball.

You are a silly little goofball, but also you’re a serious person at the same time. And yeah, I liked you. I’m really trying to get more out of you right now.

Good luck. Jacob, thanks for coming on my podcast. Thanks for having me.

Thanks for helping me produce the podcast. Thanks for having me do that. Thanks for sharing your music with the intro and the outro.

You’re very welcome. And thank you for making me tater tot casserole whenever I want it. Also very welcome.

But all that benefits both of us. True. One time you were like, I’m in I’m in the mood for some trashy food.

And I was like, what’s that? What do you mean? You said like tater tot casserole. And I said, oh, I’ve never had that before. It sounds disgusting.

Should we make tater tot casserole? No. All right. You’re looking at somebody who probably had food poisoning.

Oh, yeah, that’s right. I don’t want tater tot casserole right now. But soon.

We are due for some tater tot casserole. Being somebody with an immigrant mother, tater tot casserole is not something I had growing up. That is some honky honky food.

OK. We’re going to end it on honky food, which is going to be my podcast. Honky honky honky food with Jake.

Thank you for listening to Ask Elisa, the good, the bad and the ick. I’m your host, Elisa Sparkman. This episode was produced by me and a guy I met on a dating app.

Audio engineering, editing and music by Jacob Patterson.